The Phantomization of Broadway!
by NordyGirl
Summary: Here are the Phantomized Lyrics to some of everyones favorite broadway songs! Enjoy! rated PG13 for language. Please R and R! P.S. I will take requests if I know the song! Disclaimer: I own nothing.Now featuring Disney Songs!
1. Hopelessly Obsessed With You

Here is the Phantomization of some of everyone's favorite Broadway songs! Enjoy!

Disclaimer- I own none of the characters, songs, or shows.

Hopelessly Obsessed with You ( To the tune of "Hopelessly Devoted to You" from "Grease")

Sung by the Phantom:

_Yes, I am the Angel of music_

_I am the dude with a mask_

_I guess I want to sing_

_Because I lost Christine_

_To a fop who kicked my ass._

_Chorus:_

_But now_

_There's no need to hide_

_Since you tossed my mask aside_

_I'm out of my head_

_Hopelessly obsessed with you_

_Hopelessly obsessed with you…_

_Guess she really did love him_

_Guess she was not my bitch_

_I don't know why I'm here_

_I guess I'll run back to Nadir_

_Carlotta is really a witch_

_Chorus:_

_But now_

_There's no need to hide_

_Since you tossed my mask aside_

_I'm out of my head_

_Hopelessly obsessed with you_

_Hopelessly obsessed with you…_


	2. Christine

Christine ( to the tune of "Sandy" from "Grease")

Sung by Raoul:

_Christine, can't you see_

_I'm in misery?_

_Carlotta makes me barf_

_I rescued your scarf_

_I rescued it from the sea_

_I sit alone_

_I'm a baritone_

_Madame Giry's accent annoys me_

_Why did you ignore me_

_Oh Christine…_

_Chorus:_

_Christine, Christine_

_I want you by my side._

_Did I mention that_

_You're hotter than Meg by a landslide?_

_Christine, I need you bad_

_Think of the good times we had_

_The crush you have on Erik is just a fad_

_Oh, Christine…_


	3. Carlotta

Carlotta ( to the tune of "Maria" from "West Side Story")

Sung by Christine:

_Carlotta_

_I sang for a bitch named Carlotta_

_And when I sang_

_I instantly gained fame._

_Carlotta_

_A backdrop fell on Carlotta_

_And suddenly I found how awful her sound was…_

_Carlotta_

_Say it loud and it makes you cringe_

_Candy is her favorite thing on which to binge._

_Carlotta _

_I sing much better than Carlotta…_

_The most awful singer I ever heard_

_Carlotta…_


	4. I'm not Pretty

I'm Not Pretty (to the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from "West Side Story")

Sung by Carlotta featuring Madame Giry and Meg:

_Carlotta:_

_I'm not pretty_

_So not pretty_

_I always sing off-key_

_And a backdrop once fell on top of me_

_And the Phantom_

_He's not handsome_

_He really hates the way I sing_

_So much that_

_He replaced me with Christine._

_See that Marie Antoinette wig I had to wear_

_It is way too tall for me_

_And my unlucky spouse_

_A guy in the opera house_

_Is a cow named Piangi…_

_I'm not charming_

_So not charming_

_It's alarming how not charming I am_

_I suddenly_

_Want to binge on a piece of ham._

_Meg and Madame Giry:_

_Have you met the prima donna, Carlotta?_

_The baddest singer around_

_She really needs to get lessons_

_Perhaps the Phantom is around…_

_When she starts to sing_

_She causes much pain_

_I don't blame the Phantom_

_For being insane!_

_She needs to learn_

_She's not queen of the world_

_Her singing always_

_Makes me want to hurl!_

_Keep away from her_

_Send for Christine_

_The Phantom is getting_

_High on morphine._

_Honestly she needs_

_To ditch Piangi_

_And go out with _

_The Vicompte de Chagny_

_Carlotta: _

_I'm not pretty_

_So not pretty_

_I don't know why they hired me_

_And the Phantom_

_Is once again_

_On a killing spree_

_I'm not stunning_

_So not stunning_

_I don't know why I'm here_

_I think now_

_I will go out for a beer!_


	5. Chandelier

Chandelier ( to the tune of "Edelweiss" from "The Sound of Music")

Sung by the managers:

_Chandelier_

_Chandelier_

_You were really pretty_

_Big and white_

_Clean and bright_

_You were the envy of the city._

_The Opera Ghost tore you down_

_Why would he do that?_

_Chandelier_

_Chandelier_

_You need to be repaired._

_Chandelier_

_Chandelier_

_You made a mess everywhere._


	6. Mr Baritone

Mr. Baritone ( to the tune of "Mr. Cellophane" from "Chicago")

Sung by Piangi:

_Suppose you were a guy_

_Have thrown in his face, a pie_

_And whipped crème got in his eye…_

_You'd notice him_

_Suppose you were a technician named Joe_

_Getting strangled by the opera ghost_

_And you had a bruise on your nose…_

_You'd notice him!_

_And even though I'm losing my hair_

_I still work at the Opera Populaire_

_And even though I have a good job_

_I still wonder why… the…patron…is a fop…_

_Chorus:_

_Baritone_

_Mr. Baritone_

_I'm all alone,_

_Mr. Baritone_

_Because my wife Carly_

_Is getting real snarly_

_And I think she's angry …_

_Suppose you were a dancer_

_Playing the role of Prancer_

_And you were standing next to Rudolph…_

_You'd notice him_

_Suppose you were Madame Giry_

_With an accent that was eerie_

_And you were getting notes from the Phantom…_

_You'd notice him!_

_And even though I can sing_

_I wish Carlotta would wear her wedding ring_

_And, as a matter of fact,_

_She needs to learn…how…to…act…_

_Baritone_

_Mr. Baritone_

_I'm all alone,_

_Mr. Baritone_

_Because my wife Carly_

_Is getting real snarly,_

_And I think she's angry…_

_I tell ya…_

_Baritone_

_Mr. Baritone_

_I'm going home,_

_Mr. Baritone_

_Because my complaining_

_And my singing is getting really old._

_Did I … mention… that I… am a baritone?_


	7. Music

Music ( to the tune of "Bonjour" from "Beauty and the Beast")

Sung by the cast of The Phantom of the Opera:

_Erik:_

_Music_

_It is what I live for_

_That, and of course, Christine_

_The Conductor:_

_Music_

_It's what makes_

_Carlotta so mean…_

_Everyone:_

_MUSIC!_

_MUSIC!_

_MUSIC!_

_MUSIC!_

_MUSIC!_

_Madame Giry:_

_There go the dancers_

_Gossiping like always_

_and Carlotta complaining_

_about nothing…_

_and right there is Christine_

_who is not what she seems_

_her teacher really quite intriguing…_

_Raoul:_

_Look there_

_She is_

_Christine Daae_

_Look there_

_She is upon the stage_

_And there _

_Is the _

_Opera ghost_

_Killing Joseph Buquet in a jealous rage…_

_Meg:_

_Now it no wonder _

_Christine got the part_

_Her voice is really quite fine._

_But still I wonder why_

_She went with him tonight_

_Oh, crap! I'm out of wine…_

_Chorus:_

_Look there_

_He goes_

_Isn't he creepy?_

_The Phantom_

_Of the Opera_

_I wonder why_

_He's teaching Christine_

_All this gossip is making me sleepy…_

_Christine (to the Phantom):_

_I want to perform in front of all of Paris_

_I want it more than I can tell_

_But I need to ask_

_What is behind the mask_

_What is it your afraid of?_

_Phantom (to Christine):_

_Why don't you just mind your own business?_

_Haven't you tortured me enough?_

_Do you want to go with me_

_Or with Raoul de Chagny?_

_Make your Choice before I get tough…_

_Christine:_

_Why do you go on killing_

_When no one has hurt you?_

_Now let me live my life_

_Before I hit you with a broom…_

_All: _

_Well what have we here_

_A lunatic?_

_Why don't you let her live her own life?_

_You're as ugly as an ox_

_So get some Botox_

_Yes you really are nuts_

_A genius, but still nuts_

_Go back to writing the music of the night!_


	8. They both went through the Mirror!

They Both Went Through the Mirror (to the tune of "They Both Reached for the Gun" from "Chicago")

Sung by the cast of the Phantom of the Opera:

_Random Person:_

_(spoken): Mr. Opera Ghost and the Opera Populaire Rag!_

_Notice how she followed him,_

_But why?_

_Raoul:_

_Where'd you come from?_

_Phantom:_

_From the cellar_

_Piangi:_

_Do you do magic?_

_Phantom:_

_Like Penn and Teller_

_Raoul:_

_Why'd you take her?_

_Phantom:_

_I was lonely_

_I couldn't get her off my mind_

_She could make my song take flight…_

_Christine:_

_Why'd you do it?_

_Phantom:_

_Cause I love you_

_Managers:_

_Did you hurt her?_

_Phantom:_

_No of course not!_

_Joseph Buquet:_

_Why'd you kill me?_

_Phantom:_

_I was angry_

_I've been living all alone_

_I need to learn to play the trombone…_

_Carlotta:_

_Unforgivable_

_Unforgivable_

_Completely unforgivable_

_Christine:_

_Leave him alone!_

_Just leave him alone!_

_Why don't you try_

_To write the music of the night?_

_Meg:_

_Do you sing?_

_Phantom:_

_Some of the time_

_Managers:_

_Do you have issues?_

_Phantom:_

_In my mind_

_From my mom I wanted kisses_

_Stop it with these mean disses!_

_Madame Giry and Christine:_

_Understandable_

_Understandable_

_Yes, it's really quite remarkable _

_All you want is love_

_All you need is love_

_Why don't you try wearing those sexy gloves?_

_Christine:_

_Do you want me_

_To come with you_

_Through the mirror _

_Like before_

_Phantom:_

_That's what I want _

_Just to love you_

_You can make my song take flight_

_Hear the music of the night_

_Just promise me_

_You won't pull off_

_My mask that_

_I like to wear_

_That's the thought that _

_Crossed my mind_

_When we both went through the mirror!_

_Both went through… the …mirror!_

_Others:_

_The mirror_

_The mirror_

_The mirror_

_The mirror_

_The mirror_

_Both went through the mirror!_


	9. All I ever want is love

All I Ever Want is Love (to the tune of "All I Care About is Love" from "Chicago")

Sung by the Phantom:

_I don't care about Mozart_

_Violins_

_Or fine art_

_No, no, not me._

_All I ever want is love…_

_Carlotta, Meg, and Madame Giry:_

_That all he asks for…_

_Phantom:_

_I don't care for Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_

_I don't care about my facial physique_

_No, no, not me,_

_All I ever want is love…_

_Three ladies mentioned above:_

_All he ever wants is love!_

_Phantom:_

_Give me two eyes of brown_

_A girl wearing a silk gown_

_A head full of chestnut curls_

_You're a better singer than the chorus girls_

_I only care about to things_

_Night music_

_And, you, Christine_

_Why can't you see_

_All I want is your love…_

_Chorus:_

_All he wants is your love!_

_Phantom:_

_I don't care about chandeliers_

_Pipe organs_

_Guys named Nadir_

_No, no, not me_

_All I want is Christine_

_All I want is to love you_

_And for you to love me_

_KEEP YOUR ROSES, THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME!_

_I don't care about the Vicompte_

_I prefer to be prompt_

_No, no not me,_

_All I care about is_

_Loving you_

_My angel Christine_

_And figuring out why Carlotta's so mean…_

_ALL I EVER WANT IS LOVE!_


	10. The Opera Ghost

The Opera Ghost (to the tune of "Wells Fargo Wagon" From " The Music Man"

Sung by the cast of The Phantom of the Opera:

_People at the Masquerade:_

_Oho, the Opera Ghost has_

_Written an opera_

_Called "Don Juan Triumphant"_

_Christine:_

_Oho, I got the lead_

_In the phantom's opera_

_What horrors wait for me?_

_Audience:_

_Oh, my gosh, I _

_Really am excited_

_I really wonder what is in store_

_I hope this opera is good_

_And I really_

_Yes I really_

_Yes I really truly think that_

_Joseph Buquet is no more_

_Phantom:_

_Oho, my opera is about to begin_

_My, what a splendid sight,_

_And my student, Christine is_

_In the lead_

_Why did they sell Box 5…_

_I know it says that right in the lyrics_

_We'll start performing from the top_

_And finally I will have Christine_

_Oh, look, there he is, that gosh-darned fop…_

_Raoul:_

_Oho, I wonder what the phantom_

_Is planning to do_

_At the gala tonight_

_I guess there is really _

_No stopping him_

_Though I try with all my might…_

_Audience:_

_Oho, the phantom's opera is_

_About to begin _

_And I am starting to worry_

_About my hair_

_And about Christine_

_If anything happens_

_It will be _

_Yes it will be _

_Yes, you're right, it surely will be_

_Entirely _

_The fault of the Opera Ghost!_


	11. They all love opera

They All Love Opera ( to the tune of "The Gods Love Nubia" form "Aida")

Sung by the managers:

_Help me please_

_Don't force me_

_To choose between Carlotta and Christine_

_Why did I take this job_

_And why is Raoul such a fop…_

_They all love opera_

_Why, I don't understand_

_The arias, the overtures_

_Are such a waste of time_

_But still it keeps_

_The phantom from complaining_

_He even said Christine was, in a word, sublime…_

_They all love opera_

_There's no denying that_

_And I just found out _

_Krispy Kremes will make you fat_

_Oh, gosh I better start_

_On the south beach diet today_

_If the chandelier is shattered_

_The opera ghost will pay…_

_Stop with this _

_Opera crap_

_Why not rock_

_Hip hop or rap_

_Why did we buy _

_This place_

_And what's with _

_The phantom's face?_

_They all love opera_

_They really do need help_

_Why the heck is there_

_On the floor, a bucket of kelp…_

_Don't people know that_

_That destroys the environment_

_That really is going to_

_Annoy a lot hippies._

_Yes it will annoy hippes!_


	12. There are bad things I could do

There Are bad things I can do (to the tune of "There are worse things I could do" from "Grease")

Sung by the Phantom:

_There are bad things I can do_

_Like kill a guy, or two_

_Even though they all think I'm crazy, weird, and no good_

_I suppose that it is true_

_But there are worse things I could do_

_I could seduce all the girls_

_Play around with Christine's curls_

_Put her in a hypnotic trance_

_Teach her the chicken dance_

_And kill of that darn fop_

_Or destroy my laptop_

_I could sit here_

_In Box 5_

_And write the music_

_Of the night_

_Kidnap Christine Daae_

_And kill during the ballet_

_Boy, my mask is cool…_

_I could hang Joseph Buquet_

_Listen to my monkey all day_

_Go to the masquerade_

_In a jealous rage _

_And threaten Carlotta_

_And that bitch, Jane Fonda_

_I don't steal, but I do lie_

_I can feel and I can cry_

_a fact I'll bet you never knew_

_all this is completely true_

_there are bad things I could do…_


	13. Fop!

Fop ( to the tune of "Cool" from "West Side Story")

Sung by the Phantom:

_Fop_

_Fop_

_Girly fop…_

_Get a haircut!_

_Leave Christine_

_Before I get high on morphine…_

_Carlotta's such a slut!_

_Go, now, go_

_By the way Christine's a soprano_

_Stop being such a _

_Girly fop…_

_Fop_

_Fop_

_Girly fop,_

_Get a nose job!_

_Leave me to write_

_The music of the night_

_Get rid of that angry mob!_

_Go, now, go_

_By the way, Christine's a soprano_

_Stop being such a _

_Girly fop…_

_FOP!_


	14. My Oddest Trait

My Oddest Trait ( to the tune of "My Strongest Suit" from "Aida")

Sung by Madame Giry:

_In opera_

_One has to face many things_

_Like auditions and arias_

_Carlotta and fires_

_and learning all of your dance steps_

_there's make up, costume, and perverted stagehands_

_and of course the new managers_

_why does everyone not believe in the opera ghost_

_it's my accent I hate the most…_

_My hair is always perfect_

_But Joseph Buquet is so perverted_

_I might quit and start with a clean slate_

_But I have to always serve him_

_Ow, I poked myself with a pin,_

_My accent has always been,_

_My oddest trait!_

_It's so fake, and yet so real_

_It really is a big deal_

_I think I'll think I'll talk about this with Nadir…_

_And Meg needs to stop_

_Going gaa-gaa over the fop_

_The carriage is something he needs to learn how to steer!_

_So I think I'll end this number_

_The managers keep getting dumber_

_But like the Terminator, "I'll be back…"_

_I need to rest_

_So I can witness the phantom's arrest_

_Gosh, he has a sexy mask!_


	15. Did I go too far?

Did I Go too Far? ( to the tune of "A Step too Far" from "Aida")

Sung by Erik, Raoul and Christine:

_Erik:_

_I'm the angel of music_

_I'm in love with Christine_

_But she is hot for the fop_

_Maybe I should quit the morphine_

_There are times when I imagine_

_I'm not always inside her mind_

_Perhaps I should write more of _

_The music of the night_

_The music of the night…_

_Ooooooh…_

_Oooooh…_

_Oooooh…_

_Christine:_

_I'm in a big dilemma _

_I'm in love with two men_

_One of them is a vicompte_

_With a lot of cash and then_

_The other one is a phantom_

_Who wears sexy gloves_

_How an I to choose_

_Which one do I love?_

_Which one do I love?_

_Oooooh…_

_Ooooh…_

_Ooooh…_

_Raoul:_

_I'm the vicompte de chagny_

_I rescued her scarf_

_The sight of Joseph Buquet's dead corpse_

_Makes me want to barf_

_Christine sang like an angel_

_What's with the phantom's mask?_

_I don't want to piss him off_

_But I really want to ask_

_But I really want to ask…_

_Ooooh…_

_Ooooh…_

_Ooooh…_

_(All three repeat their verses and do the Ooooh… thing a bunch of times.)_


	16. Any Girl Will Do

Any Girl Will Do ( to the tune of "Any Dream Will Do" from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat")

Sung by the Managers:

_Carlotta is wailing_

_The counterweights are failing_

_The notes don't stop mailing_

_Any girl will do…_

_Christine Daae could sing it_

_Maybe we could wing it_

_She could really bling-bling it_

_Yes, she will do!_

_The phantom will be pleased_

_Joseph Buquet is deceased_

_Oh, well, at least_

_This'll have to do!_


	17. Why Don't They Notice Me?

Why Don't they Notice Me? ( to the tune of "Close Every Door to Me" from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat")

Sung by Meg:

_Why did mom suggest her?_

_When I'm her biological daughter?_

_The phantom taught her_

_Very well…_

_But what about me_

_I'm the cute blondie_

_Why don't they notice me?_

_I'm a good singer too…_

_Throw roses at me_

_Applaud while standing_

_And please hand me autographs too sign_

_Some day I'll be_

_Prima Donna, you'll see_

_One day the spotlight will be mine!_


	18. Sing for Me!

Sing For Me ( to the tune of "Stand By Me" from "Smoky Joe's Café")

Sung by the Phantom:

_When the ballet is done_

_And the arias are through_

_And Carlotta is the only one we hear_

_Unfortunately she's the_

_Lead soprano_

_I guess I'll complain to Nadir…_

_Won't you sing for me?_

_Oh, Christine, sing for me_

_You alone can make my song take flight…_

_I'm going nuts_

_No ifs, ands, or buts_

_Meg has to get over her stage fright…_

_Christine:_

_Angel of music_

_Why did you kill Joe_

_What has he ever done to you?_

_Why does Meg like Raoul_

_Andre's breath is so fowl_

_My favorite love song is "All I Ask of You"…_

_Oh, play for me_

_Play your organ for me_

_Play for me the music of the night_

_Your lair is cold and damp_

_My favorite desperate housewife is Bree van de Kamp_

_I think it is on at nine…_

_Both:_

_Oh…_

_Oh…_

_Sing for me_

_Oh, won't you sing for me_

_Something from the opera Don Juan_

_And stay away _

_Oh, stay away_

_From marijuana…um…a!_


	19. Hello, Goodbye

Hello, Goodbye ( to the tune of "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof")

Sung by the cast:

_Madame Giry:_

_Is this the little girl I taught to_

_Dance to the overture of Faust_

_And the little girl I brought here_

_She is now lost…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_At least I still have Meg_

_The opera house is now burning_

_This place is a powder keg!_

_Raoul:_

_Where have I heard that powder keg line?_

_I think from another show._

_Oh, well Christine went with him_

_Where, I want to know…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Tell the managers to stop stalking me!_

_Get rid of that bitch Carlotta_

_And replace her with Christine!_

_Erik:_

_For once I agree with the vicompte_

_Who knew he had such good taste?_

_I guess that's why Christine left me_

_I need to buy more toothpaste…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Maybe I'll see a cosmetic surgeon_

_And then I'll be sexy_

_Too bad I'm still a virgin…_

_Christine:_

_How do they expect me to choose_

_Between my teacher and my friend_

_Why is this song so long?_

_Will it ever end?_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_I need to stop curling my hair_

_It always looks so terribly frizzy_

_Why did I follow him in my underwear?_

_Managers:_

_Why did we hire Carlotta_

_And that stooge of hers, Piangi?_

_Why is our hair so bad?_

_I better put a hat on me…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Swiftly through the scenes_

_One opera following another_

_Laiden murders and broken chandeliers…_

_Meg:_

_Why did my mom suggest her?_

_I'm not that bad!_

_There are all of the dancers_

_Scantily-clad…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Mabye I should go_

_Flirt with the vicomptes brother_

_Maybe he can give me a ride home…_

_Phillipe:_

_Who is that little blondie_

_Who keeps trying to flirt with me?_

_Why should I give her a ride home?_

_What's she ever done for me?_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_I think my bro is weird_

_It must be because of his haircut_

_Perhaps he should grow a beard…_

_Piangi:_

_Why did I ever marry her_

_When I could've had that other chick_

_I thought my movie deserved Best Picture_

_Damn, what an awesome flick!_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_This song is getting long_

_Ok, maybe a few more verses…_

_EW! Carlotta wearing a thong!_

_Joseph Buquet:_

_Why didn't I finish college?_

_Why didn't I pay the rent?_

_Oh, well, this job isn't so bad_

_If you know what I mean, hint-hint…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Making fun of the Phantom is fun!_

_Hey, what are you doing with that lasso?_

_What have I ever done?_

_Darius:_

_How come me, my boss, and Phillipe_

_Aren't featured in the movie?_

_I like to listen to The Beatles_

_Man, are they groovy!_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_I'm singing my verse_

_Maybe I'll watch the Cubs game_

_Even though they are cursed…_

_Nadir:_

_Well, it's about time now_

_That I got to sing_

_If you're wondering, it came from Persia_

_That creepy monkey thing…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Damn it, Carlotta is next_

_Why is she even in the movie?_

_I am so vexed!_

_Carlotta:_

_I love to be the Prima Donna_

_And to boss everyone around_

_Why did the backdrop fall down_

_And knock me to the ground?_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Reyer is next in line…_

_Then one final verse will do_

_Until next time…_

_Reyer ( the conductor):_

_Why am I such a minor character?_

_Why does my hair look like Firman's?_

_The movie didn't get many Oscars_

_But it did good at Cannes!_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_One final verse to come_

_Gerard Butler also starred in_

_A movie about Attila, the Hun!_

_All:_

_Finally, this song is over!_

_I'm getting out of breath!_

_I think I'll talk to manager about this._

_His name is Seth…_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_Hello, Goodbye_

_I'm running out of rhymes!_

_This song has bashed Carlotta_

_Way too few times!_


	20. If I Were A Singer

If I Were A Singer (If I Were A Phantom) ( to the tune of "If I were a Rich Man" from "Fiddler on the Roof")

Sung by Meg and the Phantom:

_Meg: _

_If I were a singer_

_I would sing a lot of songs_

_And if I were a singer_

_I would seek a record deal_

_Wait, what's a record?_

_Is it an invention from the future?_

_Boy, am I getting confused!_

_The Phantom:_

_If I were a phantom_

_I would tutor slash stalk Christine_

_Oh, wait it just hit me!_

_I'm already the phantom of the opera!_

_If I weren't a phantom_

_I would have a normal face_

_But this is not so_

_So I take it out on morphine!_

_Both:_

_Boy, this song is pointless!_

_I really don't know why Nordygirl wrote this_

_Wait, who Nordygirl?_

_Of course, none other than the author._

_Well, this song is boring_

_I wish there were more bashing of Carlotta_

_In this fanphic!_


	21. Joe Buquet

Joe Buquet (to the tune of "Easy Street" from "Annie")

Sung by Christine, the Phantom, and Madame Giry:

_Madame Gir y:_

_Christine dear,_

_You once told me how your father_

_Would sit and play his violin_

_Christine:_

_He'd say _

" _Christine, I'll send you the Angel of Music"_

_before he went to heaven._

_Erik: _

_It ain't fair how Raoul_

_Always get his way_

_I killed Joseph Buquet_

_Madame Giry and Christine:_

_That total perv!_

_Erik:_

_I don't know why _

_They let him keep his job_

_I actually hate him more than the fop…_

_Joe Buquet_

_Joe Buquet_

_He left his post unoccupied!_

_And I dropped the backdrop_

_And heard Carlotta cry!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Erik, dear,_

_Do you remember_

_How I rescued you_

_From that traveling fair_

_Erik:_

_Yes I do_

_And I will be forever grateful_

_Man, do I have sexy hair!_

_Christine:_

_It ain't fair how _

_She was always the star_

_Erik: _

_I might've took it too far…_

_Christine:_

_That is true._

_Madame Giry and Christine:_

_But Joe was still a total bastard_

_For killing him, we congratulate you…_

_All: _

_Joe Buquet_

_Joe Buquet_

_Madame Giry:_

_He looked down Meg's shirt!_

_Christine:_

_What a pig!_

_I like figs!_

_Erik:_

_I guess we all have our quirks!_

_Yes sirree!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Yes sirree!_

_Christine:_

_Yes sirree!_

_(dance break)_

_All:_

_Boy this song_

_Is getting long!_

_Boy I hate the fop!_

_Erik:_

_Oh crap, there's a cop!_

_Christine and Madame Giry:_

_I guess they know…_

_About you killing Joe!_


	22. I enjoy being a fop!

I Enjoy Being A Fop! ( to the tune of "I enjoy being a Girl" from "Flower Drum Song") For all you Raoul haters out there, I dedicate this to you!

Sung by Raoul:

_When I was proclaimed the patron_

_Of the opera populaire_

_I walked in with ugly waistcoat_

_And way too girly hair!_

_Do I really love Christine_

_Or perhaps, am I gay?_

_Maybe I will figure out_

_How I feel about men someday._

_When Christine kissed me_

_My heart did indeed stop_

_Boy, do I love my haircut_

_I enjoy being a fop!_

_I ENJOY BEING A FOP!_


	23. One Thing Right

One Thing Right ( to the tune of "Something Good" from "The Sound of Music")

Sung by Christine and the Phantom:

_Christine:_

_I guess I lived a simple childhood_

_I guess I lived an innocent youth_

_I love you but I need to know_

_I need you to tell me the truth_

_For there you are standing there stalking me_

_Even though you know it's not right_

_You really do have good taste in girls_

_You must have done one thing right…_

_Erik:_

_I guess I am good looking_

_Except for that part of my face_

_I'm sorry that I dragged you to _

_This cold and dismal place_

_For there you are standing there loving me_

_Even though you're engaged to the fop_

_Maybe you could go and dump him_

_And I'll pop the question on the rooftop…_

_Both:_

_I guess Raoul really is a loser_

_I think Joseph is on drugs_

_I think that Carlotta is a boozer_

_And the police are power-hungry thugs_

_For here we are making fun of our costars_

_Boy is this fun_

_My favorite song from Chicago_

_Is They Both Reached For The Gun!_


	24. Fopular!

Fopular! ( to the tune of "Popular!" from "Wicked")

Another one for all you Raoul haters out there!

Sung by Erik and Raoul:

_Erik (spoken):_

_Raoul, now that we're enemies, I've decided to make you my new victim!_

_Raoul: _

_Don't you think Christine will be mad?_

_Erik:_

_Oh, well! That's what makes me so weird._

_Raoul (singing):_

_Whenever I see someone who in love with Christine_

_And let's face it, who isn't, in love with Christine?_

_She likes me because I rescued her scarf._

_Erik:_

_And your haircut really makes me barf!_

_and even though you're the patron_

_a character from Chicago called the matron_

_will be on my side _

_I cannot lie_

_Because_

_You _

_Are_

_Fopular_

_You're way too fopular!_

_Your hair is too long_

_Stop wearing that thong_

_And get a nose job_

_Cause you're not popular_

_At the opera populaire _

_Fix your hair_

_Get new underwear_

_You really should…_

_Raoul:_

_I'm offended by your cruel analysis_

_I don't understand any part of this_

_Leave me alone_

_I'll dress the way I want_

_I _

_Am the patron of_

_Populaire_

_The Opera Populaire_

_Hey, get over there_

_In your spooky lair_

_Stop wearing that mask_

_I makes people want to ask_

_Stop stalking my chick_

_Boy this sweater is thick_

_And I'm getting sick_

_Of this song!_


	25. I am Richer than the Phantom

I Am Richer Than The Phantom ( to the tune of "I Can't Do It Alone" from "Chicago")

For all you Raoul lovers out there, this one's for you!

Sung by Raoul:

_The phantom and I are in love with Christine_

_We both think her reigns supreme_

_We both go to operas at least once a week_

_Oh yeah!_

_But because of the phantom Joseph Buquet is deceased._

_I know it's sad of course_

_The phantom needs to be brought down_

_Man, Christine looked good in…that….gown!_

_Watch this!_

_You'll have to imagine I'm dancing with Christine_

_It's swell with me and Christine_

_I got the girl and you did not_

_Tried to kill me by tightening the knot_

_At least I'm not on morphine_

_And I proposed to Christine_

_And I'm a vicompte_

_And I'm richer than the phantom!_

_Even though he gets twenty thousand francs a month_

_I have that little extra umph_

_And I don't stalk and hang_

_Now sit and watch me do my thang!_

_I know you want her_

_But I'm richer than you_

_And I don't kill_

_All this is undeniably true_

_This song is so random_

_But I'm simply a better person than the Phantom!_

_So what do you say, Christine?_

_Christine:_

_I say Screw You, Erik!_

_Raoul:_

_I know, he pulls some real shit_

_This next verse is really nifty!_

_He kills and hangs_

_William Hung sings She Bangs_

_I collect ying yangs_

_And I'm richer than him_

_And I care about_

_The opera_

_And I'm richer than him!_

_Now you hear me going down the list!_

_Let me know if there is anything I missed!_

_Did I mention that I'm richer than the phantom!_


	26. Anything You can Sing

Anything You Can Sing ( to the tune of "Anything You Can Do" from "Annie Get Your Gun")

Sung by Christine, Carlotta, Erik, Raoul, and Nordygirl (me):

_Christine:_

_Anything you can sing_

_I can sing better_

_I can sing anything better than you!_

_Carlotta:_

_No you can't!_

_Erik and Raoul:_

_Yes she can!_

_Carlotta:_

_No she can't!_

_Erik and Raoul:_

_Yes she can!_

_Carlotta:_

_Any stage you can strut_

_I can strut better_

_I can strut any stage better than you!_

_Christine, Raoul, and Erik:_

_No you can't!_

_Carlotta:_

_Yes I can!_

_Erik ,Christine, and Raoul:_

_No you can't!_

_Carlotta:_

_Yes I can!_

_Erik and Raoul:_

_Any part you can act_

_Christine can act better1_

_She can act any part better than you!_

_Carlotta:_

_No she can't!_

_Christine:_

_Yes I can!_

_Carlotta:_

_Can you bake a pie?_

_Christine:_

_No._

_Carlotta:_

_Neither can I!_

_Nordygirl:_

_Any song you can write_

_I can write better!_

_I can write any song better than you!_

_Erik:_

_No you can't!_

_Me:_

_Yes I can!_

_YES I CAN!_


	27. Meg G

Meg G. ( to the tune of "Roxie" from "Chicago")

Sung by Meg:

_The name on everybody's lips is gonna be_

_Meg G.!_

_The lady standing on her toe tips is gonna be_

_Meg G.!_

_I'm gonna be prima donna _

_That means the girl with the leading roles!_

_There gonna give me a dressing room with walls that are not full of holes!_

_From just some ballet rat I gonna be_

_Meg G.!_

_Who says that ballets not an art?_

_And who in case the phantom hangs_

_With one of those Punjab lasso things!_

_Meg G.!_

_Madame Giry:_

_She's giving up her chorus life_

_She's gonna be…_

_Meg:_

_Meg G.!_

_Madame Giry:_

_She was taught to dance by me!_

_Meg:_

_And Christine Daae will shit, I know_

_To see her name get billed below_

_Meg G.!_

_Mmmm, I'm prima donna!_

_And the patron loves me_

_And I love him_

_And we love eachother_

_And that's because the phantom was stalking Christine_

_And that's opera, kid!_

_Madame Giry:_

_She's going to be a big star_

_She's gonna be_

_Meg:_

_Meg G.!_

_Madame Giry:_

_She's the only normal one in the cast!_

_Meg:_

_And now I think I'll end this song_

_Because it's getting way too long_

_By the way, I'm Meg G.!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Meg G…._

_Meg G…._

_Meg G…. _


	28. When you're good to Madame

When You're Good to Madame ( to the tune of "When You're Good to Mama" from "Chicago")

Sung by Madame Giry:

_Ask any of the girls in my house_

_They'll tell that I'm wearing a silk blouse_

_I teach them all and they all obey me_

_Although occasionally I get crap from Ubaldo Piangi…_

_Got a little job_

_Delivering notes for Erik_

_Boy that Carlotta_

_Really is a freak!_

_There's a lot of dances_

_I know how to do_

_You do one for Madame_

_She'll do one for you!_

_They say that dance is tappity-tap_

_And that's the way I dance_

_So I demand some respect_

_Meg, get out Andre's pants!_

_Don't you know that that is_

_Not for girls like you_

_When you want privileges _

_Madame has to give them to you…_

_They say that pirouettes are a big part_

_Of the ballet_

_Hey, Mr. Phantom, what's your_

_Problem with Joe Buquet?_

_So what's the one conclusion _

_I could bring this song to?_

_When you're good to Madame_

_Madame's good to you!_

_Oh, yeah!_


	29. My most hated things

My Most Hated Things ( to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from "The Sound of Music")

Sung by Carlotta:

_Opera ghosts killing_

_And chandeliers falling_

_and during operas_

_the managers stalling_

_marrying a fat guy_

_and my chin getting sprayed_

_these are a few of the _

_things that I hate…_

_Marie Antoinette wigs_

_And ghostly white skin_

_And wearing corsets that don't _

_Make me look thin_

_Punjab lassos and ugly pink coats_

_And spraying that crap into my throat_

_Really fake smiles _

_And perverted stagehands_

_And guys with names like_

_Andre and Firman_

_Christine singing_

_On my behalf_

_And that song_

"_Oh fool, he makes me laugh"_

_Croaking on high notes_

_And pouffy pink skirts_

_Don Juan Triumphant_

_And frilly lace shirts_

_Moronic managers_

_Reading my note_

_And spraying that shit down my throat!_

_When Joe dies_

_When I sing_

_When Christine gets kidnapped_

_I suddenly feel all special inside_

_Boy, is Piangi fat!_


	30. He does hang well

He Does Hang Well ( to thetune of "So long, Farewell" from "The Sound of Music")

Sung By Christine, Erik ,Raoul, Meg, Madame Giry, and the Managers:

_All:_

_There was an odd sort of hanging_

_In the middle of the ballet_

_In the rafters high above_

_It was done by the phantom_

_Meg:_

_Boy, is he handsome!_

_All:_

_He claims he did it out of love._

_The victim was pig, a loser_

_He was till his dieing day_

_He was a complete and total pervert_

_And his name was Joseph Buquet!_

_Andre and Firmin:_

_Buquet!_

_Buquet!_

_(repeats)_

_Others:_

_It really is quite shocking_

_Which is why are mocking it_

_With…_

_All:_

_THIS SONG!_

_Boy, he hangs well_

_The opera ghost_

_Managers:_

_If we cast Carlotta, then we will be toast!_

_Others:_

_Christine sings well,_

_She was in a word, sublime_

_Christine:_

_I hope I learn to write and how to rhyme!_

_Others:_

_Boy this song must have been _

_Hard to write_

_Erik:_

_I also write the music of the night!_

_Others:_

_The vicompte is a baritone_

_Raoul:_

_My favorite flick is probably "Home Alone"._

_Meg and Madame Giry:_

_This song is done _

_So we better say au revoir!_

_AU REVOIR!_

_All:_

_Au revoir!_

_AU REVOIR!_


	31. Opera

Opera ( to the tune of "Harmony" from "Harmony")

Sung by The Phantom:

_Opera_

_I wrote an opera…_

_(other cast members start scatting)_

_Opera_

_I wrote an opera_

_And it was called Don Juan Triumphant_

_In Hannibal_

_Piangi could not_

_Get on top of that elephant_

_She sang for me_

_Good as a shopping spree in Paree!_

_She was a soprano_

_I should trade _

_My creepy organ in_

_For a piano!_

_Gendarmes were marching_

_And Meg danced…_

_No one at the Opera Populaire ever murdered and stalked like this_

_Believe it or not I was a phantom before all this,_

_The Phantom of the Opera, yet!_

_If you're at the Opera Populaire tell them my salary is due!_

_Opera_

_She sang my opera_

_And then we did fly_

_She did sing_

_And wear an engagement ring_

_That Raoul gave her that one night_

_She tore out my heart, that's not the worst part_

_She left me for a rich guy_

_At least there's Meg_

_The opera's a powder keg_

_Cause it's on fire!_

_Boy, that line sounds familiar_

_Yes it does…_

_Opera_

_Unforgettable opera_

_Carlotta needs to stop binging_

_Because she_

_Is bad at singing_

_And everyone is cringing_

_Then Christine _

_Tore off my mask and revealed the scars_

_Boy, was I pissed,_

_Maybe I _

_Should go on that show_

_Called Dancing with the Stars_

_I wrote an OPERA!_

_OPERA!  
_

_Now I end this, it is setting way too long, maybe I should write more opera!_


	32. The Phantom's Comin'

The Phantom's Comin' ( to the tune of " Somethings Comin'" from "West Side Story")

Sung By Joseph Buquet:

_He's here_

_I know…_

_I'm just within his reach_

_And I'm eating a peach_

_It's my favorite fruit_

_Could it be_

_Yes it will_

_He will get me if I hold still_

_So I should run_

_Go now, phantom_

_Go away_

_Come back another day_

_Learn to see things the managers way!_

_Meg is humming_

_The phantom's coming_

_Any minute _

_Any minute_

_Any min-_

_(Joseph gets hanged before he finishes the song. COOL!)_


	33. Opera Populaire

Opera Populaire ( to the tune of "America" from "West Side Story")

Sung by the cast:

_Christine:_

_Background singing_

_My one true love_

_Let it be hung from above_

_Always the phantom stalking_

_Always the managers gawking_

_And Carlotta squawking_

_And the dancers drinking_

_And the cellars stinking_

_I like the country of Sweden_

_So make sure the floor tiling is even!_

_All:_

_I work at the Opera Populaire_

_I like the Opera Populaire_

_I hate getting gum in my hair_

_Here at the Opera Populaire!_

_Meg:_

_Here you can be yourself_

_Christine:_

_Unless you're in the phantom's jail cell!_

_Carlotta:_

_Free to sing anything you want_

_Madame Giry:_

_Free for the phantom to haunt!_

_All:_

_I work at the Opera Populaire_

_I like the Opera Populaire_

_Oh, crap! I messed up my hair!_

_Christine:_

_I followed he phantom in my underwear!_

_Raoul:_

_I like to observe and patronize_

_Erik:_

_It is you and Carlotta I despise!_

_Joseph Buquet:_

_Free to look down girls shirts!_

_Erik:_

_Free to hang perverts!_

_All:_

_I like the Opera Populaire _

_I can sing at the Opera Populaire_

_And dance to songs sung by Cher_

_Here at the Opera Populaire!_


	34. Gee, Miss Guidicelli!

Gee, Miss Guidicelli ( to the tune of "Gee, Officer Krupke" from "West Side Story")

Sung by the Managers, Meg, Madame Giry, Reyer, and the Phantom:

_Andre, Firmin, and Reyer:_

_Deeeaar, Senora Guidicelli_

_Ya gotta understand_

_A chorus girl named Kelly_

_Is making out with a stagehand!_

_Joe Buquet is a pervert_

_The dancers are all drunk_

_Holy Moses!_

_If you don't sing, we're sunk!_

_All:_

_Gee, Miss Guidicelli_

_We want you to sing!_

_Damn, what a rock on_

_Christine's wedding ring!_

_You just don't realize_

_What shit we are in_

_And that dress makes you look thin!_

_Makes you look_

_Makes you look _

_Makes you look thin!_

_That dress you're wearing makes you look thin!_

_Meg and Madame Giry:_

_Dear kindly good Senora_

_Please sing for us tonight_

_The understudy is singing_

_The music of the night_

_The vicompte is sexy_

_His brother is rich_

_Holy Moses_

_Stop being such a bitch!_

_All:_

_Gee, Miss Guidicelli_

_Please lighten up_

_Coke tastes really good_

_With ice in a cup_

_Boy that was random!_

_It was quite insane!_

_I like that show about_

_Wisteria Lane!_

_WISTERIA LANE!_

_Wisteria _

_Wisteria_

_It's on Desperate Housewives!_

_The Phantom:_

_Dear Miss Guidicelli_

_You shouldn't be here_

_Trying a job working for_

_My friend named Nadir!_

_He's really a nice guy_

_Much nicer than you!_

_And Christine replaced you!_

_Reyer:_

_The trouble is she struts!_

_Andre:_

_The trouble is she yells!_

_Firmin:_

_The trouble is she screams!_

_Meg:_

_The trouble is she smells!_

_Madame Giry and the Phantom:_

_The trouble is the backdrop which mad her fell!_

_All:_

_Gee, Miss Guidicelli_

_Please listen please!_

_The Phantom:_

_I can help cure your musical disease!_

_All:_

_Stop all your complaining_

_Or you'll lose your job!_

_And Miss Guidicelli!_

_Screw you!_


	35. Chuuby Hubby

Chubby Hubby ( to the tune of "Funny Honey from "Chicago")

Sung by Carlotta:

_Erik:_

_For her first number, La Carlotta would like to sing a song of..ahem..love and devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Ubaldo…_

_Carlotta:_

_Sometimes I sing_

_Way off-key_

_But he's always there_

_Cheering for me_

_He loves me so_

_That chubby hubby of mine…_

_My voice goes up_

_The backdrops comes down_

_And knocks me_

_Down to the ground_

_He loves me so_

_That chubby hubby of mine…_

_He ain't no chic_

_That's no great physique_

_Lord knows I always get my way!_

_But hear his voice_

_You'll have no choice_

_But to_

_Hire him at for the opera populaire…_

_And if you know him like me…_

_I know you'd agree…_

_What if my voice began to crack_

_Why he'd always have my back_

_He loves me so_

_And it all suits me fine!_

_That _

_Funny_

_Chubby_

_Honey_

_Hubby of mine!_

_Raoul:_

_His known as the phantom of the opera!_

_Piangi:_

_The phantom, how could he have caused the chandelier to fall? He lives in the cellar…he was backstage…_

_Carlotta:_

_Lord knows he ain't got the smarts…_

_Raoul:_

_You mean he went through the trapdoor?_

_Piangi:_

_She was telling me this cock-and-bull story about Christine sleeping with the phantom, and how I oughtta say she did it because that would help her get the managers to see things her way. "Help me, Ubaldo" she says, "It's my god-damn hour of need!"_

_Carlotta:_

_Now he shut off his trap…_

_I can't stand his hat!_

_Look at him go!_

_Complaining about me!_

_With just one more brain _

_What a half-wit he'd be! _

_If the backdrop fell_

_Well the managers would at least try!_

_That _

_Scummy_

_Grubby chubby_

_HUBBY OF MINE!_


	36. The Opera House Tango

The Opera House Tango ( to the tune of "The Cell Block Tango" from "Chicago")

Sung by Erik, Christine, Raoul, Carlotta, Meg, and Madame Giry:

_Madame Giry:_

_Tap_

_Christine:_

_Mirror_

_Meg: _

_Twirl_

_Carlotta_

_Ah-ah_

_Erik:_

_Populaire_

_Raoul:_

_Daae_

_Random guy:_

_And now, the main characters of the Phantom of the Opera in their rendition of the Opera House Tango…_

_Madame Giry:_

_Tap_

_Christine:_

_Mirror_

_Meg:_

_Twirl_

_Carlotta:_

_Ah-ah_

_Erik: _

_Populaire_

_Raoul:_

_Daae_

_Madame Giry:_

_Tap_

_Christine:_

_Mirror_

_Meg:_

_Twirl_

_Carlotta:_

_Ah-ah_

_Erik:_

_Populaire_

_Raoul:_

_Daae_

_All:_

_They had it comin'_

_They had it comin'_

_They only had themselves to blame_

_If you had been there _

_If you have seen it _

_I betcha you would have done the same!_

_Madame Giry:_

_You know how people have these little habits that get you down?_

_Like Gissele, Gissele she like to step_

_No, not step, tap!_

_So, I come to the opera house one night and I'm really irritated and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Giselle, practicing her dances and stepping._

_No, not stepping…TAPPING! _

_So I said to her, I said, you tap that foot one more time… and she did._

_So I took a trumpet from the orchestra pit and I give her two warning spanks…onto her ass!_

_All:_

_She had it comin'_

_She had it comin'_

_She had it comin' all along_

_If you'd have been there_

_If you'd have seen it_

_I betcha you would have done the same!_

_Christine:_

_I met Erik the opera ghost from the cellar about three months ago, and he told me he was the angel of music, and we went through the mirror right away. So, he took me to his lair. I'd go there, he'd give me voice lessons, he would hypnotize me, we'd go to bed, and then I found out…angel of music? Angel of music, my ass? Not only wasn't he the phantom, oh no, he murdered two men. One of those psychos, ya know? So that night, when he took me to his lair, I sang for him, as usual…You know, some guys are not who they say they are!_

_All:_

_He had it comin'_

_He had it comin'_

_He took the singer in her prime_

_And then he used her_

_And he seduced her_

_That mask is a fashion crime!_

_Meg:_

_Now, I'm standing backstage, practicing my dance steps, minding my own business. In storms my manager, Firmin in a jealous rage. "You been screwing the Phantom?" he said. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming " You been screwing the Phantom."_

_And then I told him it was Christine._

_I told him it was Christine ten times…_

_All:_

_And then he used her_

_And seduced her_

_Andre's hair is a fashion crime!_

_Carlotta:_

_Yells a bunch of shit in Italian._

_Reyer:_

_Yeah, but did you get laryngitis?_

_Carlotta:_

_Ah-ah. I croaked it!_

_All:_

_They had it comin'…_

_Erik:_

_Christine and I had these music lessons and she would always travel below with me. Now for our last lesson, we sang eight notes in a row… do re mi fa, one right after the other. So this one night, we're down at the opera populaire, singing, me seducing her, and she needs to go to the masquerade so I let her. I follow her. I walk up, to the roof, and there's Christine and Raoul, drinking number seven…tea! Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely freaked out, and I remember singing. It wasn't until later…when I saw the ring around her neck that I even knew she was engaged!_

_She had it comin'_

_She had it comin'_

_She had it comin' all along_

_We didn't do it_

_But if we'd done it_

_She would be wearing a black lace thong!_

_Raoul:_

_I loved Christine Daae more than I could possibly say. She was an innocent girl, sensitive, a soprano. But she was always talking about her angel of music. She'd go every night to see him and on the way she found a guy named Erik. I guess you could say Erik and I didn't get along because of artistic differences. I'm was a vicompte, and he wrote the music of the night!_

_All:_

_And he killed Joe_

_Joe _

_Joe _

_Joe_

_And he killed Joe_

_Joe _

_Joe _

_Joe_

_Joe_

_He had it comin' _

_He had it comin'_

_He was a total creep_

_He always looked down_

_The singer's blouses_

_So phantom put him to sleep!_

_He had it comin'_

_He had it comin'_

_This song makes no sense_

_I bet the writer_

_Was really hyper_

_Or maybe she was tense!_

_Madame Giry:_

_You tap that foot one more time…_

_Christine:_

_Angel of music, my ass…_

_Meg:_

_Ten times…_

_Carlotta:_

_Italian shit again_

_Erik:_

_Drinking number seven_

_Raoul:_

_Artistic differences_

_Madame Giry:_

_Tap_

_Christine:_

_Mirror_

_Meg:_

_Twirl_

_Carlotta:_

_Ah-ah_

_Erik:_

_Populaire_

_Raoul:_

_Daae_


	37. Dancing Freak!

Dancing Freak ( to the tune of "Dancing Queen" from "Mamma Mia")

Sung by Meg:

_You are my mom and dance teacher_

_And you sometimes act like a preacher_

_You're always telling me what to do_

_But I guess that's your job…_

_Raoul is a fop…_

_And you're a dancing freak!_

_You chose to help Christine!_

_What about me?_

_I sang that Angel of Music scene, oh yeah…_

_I can feel_

_I can cry_

_That is a Grease line_

_See me twirl_

_Watch that scene _

_In that movie…_

_Man, that was random!_

_At least the authoress has a lot of fandom…_

_I'll take these flowers and hand'um_

_To the phantom, man, is he handsome!_

_And he's currently single…_

_Mom is a dancing freak!_

_And Carlotta is starting to shriek!_

_The phantom is killing and _

_Demonstrating his mean streak!_

_Oh yeah…_

_I can sing_

_Give me a try_

_For a chance in the spotlight!_

_Oooh…_

_See that curl_

_On Christine_

_Isn't it pretty?_


	38. Can you hear the music of night?

Can You The Music Of The Night? ( to the tune of "Can you feel the love tonight?" from "The Lion King")

Sung by Erik, Christine, Raoul, Madame Giry, and Meg:

_Raoul:_

_I can see what's happening…_

_Meg: _

_What?_

_Raoul:_

…_and she doesn't have a clue!_

_Meg:_

_Who?_

_Raoul:_

_He'll kidnap her and give the opera a bad review!_

_Meg:_

_Oh…_

_Raoul:_

_The phantom will take flight_

_Fun his fingers through Christine's hair_

_He'll hypnotize with romantic love songs…_

_DISASTER'S IN THE AIR!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Can you hear the music of the night?_

_Can you hear the phantom sing?_

_His voice is _

_Intoxicating…_

_And lulls brown-haired girls to sleep…_

_Erik:_

_To many ways to tell her_

_Just how I feel_

_I could propose to with a wedding ring_

_And maybe get a good deal…_

_Jewelry stores are overpriced_

_So are department stores_

_Like Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus_

_Those stores are for rich whores…_

_Christine:_

_He holding a black velvet box_

_Oh, what could be inside?_

_Maybe I should just agree to _

_Be his living bride…_

_Raoul, Meg, and Madame Giry:_

_Can you hear the music of the night?_

_It's on a cd…_

_They're dancing the tango _

_Even though the song is meant for waltzing…_

_Raoul:_

_And if she follows the phantom tonight…_

_It can be assumed…_

_Meg:_

_Your engagement to her is history…_

_Raoul:_

_In short, my relationship is doomed!_


	39. Written in the Bars

Written on the Bars ( to the tune of "Written in the Stars" from "Aida")

Sung by Erik and Christine:

_Erik:_

_I am here to tell you_

_You can never see him again_

_Simple really, isn't it?_

_To dump him and then…_

_A lifetime of you alone _

_Making my song take flight_

_Those words are in_

_A son called _

_The music of the night…_

_Christine:_

_Ever wonder what I feel_

_As Carlotta struts by_

_Sometimes I love to sing_

_The music of the night_

_But I don't know what scale it's in_

_Or what key_

_Please do explain_

_I'm seeking clarity…_

_I'm seeking clarity…_

_Is it written in the bars?_

_Is it in 4/4 time?_

_Do all of the lyrics_

_In, some way rhyme?_

_Or some phantom's experiment_

_In which Andrew Lloyd Webber had a say_

_In which this song is in_

_A Tony-Awarding winning play…_

_Erik:_

_Marry me, Christine! This could be our chance to rub our relationship in Raoul's face. Don't you see?_

_Nothing you could ever say_

_Could make me hate you_

_Unless you say that enjoy_

_Star Jones Reynolds o The View…_

_Christine:_

_I wrote a letter to Dear Abby…_

_But it hasn't been replied…_

_Sometimes in my darkest dreams_

_I wish I could escape_

_Both:_

_To a strange new world and from the garish light of day…_

_Is it written in the bars?_

_Is it in 4/4 time?_

_Do all of the lyrics _

_In some way rhyme?_

_Or some phantom's experiment_

_In which Andrew Lloyd Webber had a say_

_In which this song is in_

_A Tony-Award winning play…_


	40. Down There

Down There ( to the tune of "Somewhere" from "West Side Story")

Sung by Erik and Christine:

_There's a place for song_

_Songs that are very long_

_In this phanfic_

_On this site_

_But the length of this is just right…_

_Christine:_

_There's a place for us_

_In the cellar, a place for us_

_Erk:_

_Hold my hand and I'll pull you there_

_And caress your face and hair…_

_Down there_

_Below_

_The opera house_

_Man, that's a nice blouse_

_Oh, crap there's a mouse!_

_Christine:_

_Down there _

_We'll have to find a way of forgiving_

_Before the in-laws visit on Thanksgiving_

_Down there…_


	41. Singing Again

Singing Again ( to the tune of "Human Again" from "Beauty and the Beast")

Sung by Carlotta, Andre, Firmin, and Piangi:

_Carlotta:_

_Ah, to be prima donna again…_

_I'll be singing again_

_And bling-blinging again_

_When the phantom kidnaps Christine_

_And when I'm singing again_

_They'll be cheering again_

_And I can boss around Piangi_

_I'll be complaining again_

_And reigning again_

_As the queen bitch of the opera!_

_And I'll be full of myself_

_As I put my hat on a shelf_

_I can't wait to be singing again…_

_Reyer:_

_When she's singing again_

_And squawking like a hen_

_Work will be a living hell once more_

_And then well talk again_

_Behind her back again_

_About how much we think she's a whore!_

_Erik will be mad_

_It will get very bad_

_Which should cause Christine Daae alarm!_

_And she be in deep shit_

_I can't describe it_

_If Carlotta starts singing again…_

_Andre and Firmin:_

_When she's singing again_

_Joe will be hanging again_

_The phantom will write threatening notes_

_Firmin:_

_His intentions will change_

_Andre:_

_They're already strange…_

_Both:_

_He will go after us next_

_Will escape from Paree_

_To shack by the sea_

_Where Harry Potter was_

_When Hagrid knocked down the door _

_Right down to the floor_

_At the beginning of book one…_

_Chorus:_

_When…she's…singing again_

_We'll be seeing again_

_That light that's calling us_

_It's so big and bright_

_Harry Potter's outta sight!_

_Should I go or should I stay away…_

_Carlotta's voice can kill_

_It's really that shrill _

_This song is getting long!_

_Perhaps the phantom should_

_Do what he said he would_

_In that to Andre on that one fateful day and everything will be as it should!_


	42. Aria

Aria ( to the tune of "Cabaret" from "Cabaret")

Sung by Meg:

_Welcome to the opera _

_The opera populaire_

_Where phantoms lurk and patrons have long hair_

_Life is an aria, old chum_

_Life is an aria!_

_We here love the performing arts_

_Except when Carlotta's singing starts_

_Life is an aria, old chum_

_Life is an Aria!_

_I used to have a friend named Christine_

_She was in a word sublime._

_She liked to drink Coke with lemon_

_While I liked it with lime_

_She went with the phantom to the cellar_

"_I love you" is what he tried to tell her_

_I guess you could say her hair got thicker_

_But not from too much song and liquor_

_She was happy while in a trance_

_But she decided Raoul looked better in tight pants!_

_So, now then down to the cellar_

_With a bunch of cops and a bank teller_

_And there I found a porcelain mask_

_Why it's there I began to ask_

_Well, maybe some things in history_

_Should remain a mystery_

_Life is an aria, old chum_

_LIFE IS AN A…RI…AAAAAAAHHHHH!_

_( gasps for air)_

_Man, I don't know how Christine and Carlotta can hit all those high notes. Maybe it's life the how-many-licks-does-it-take-to-get-to-the-tootsie-roll-center-of-a-tootsie-pop question, the world may never know…_


	43. Do Re Mi So

Do Re Mi So ( to the tune of "Razzle Dazzle" from "Chicago")

Sung by Erik:

_Give them the ol' Do Re Mi So_

_Do Re Mi So them_

_Give them an opera with lots of high notes_

_They'll cast their votes_

_And lots of new devotees_

_Give them the ol' Do Re Mi So_

_Do Re Mi So them_

_How can they see with crystals in their eyes_

_Do Re Mi So them_

_And they'll never catch wise…_

_Give them the ol' Fa So Ti Do_

_Fa So Ti Do them_

_Give them an aira with lots of passion_

_Corsets are the fashion_

_Fainting is the reaction to_

_Wearing a really tight corset_

_That's back-breaking_

_How can you breath with your_

_Waist shrunk down in size?_

_I guess I'm lucky that I'm a guy and_

_Joe Buquet died at my hand_

_Fa So Ti Do them _

_And ya got a romance!_

_Give them the ol' Do Re Mi So_

_Do Re Mi So them_

_There is a big bright star to wish upon_

_Give in to your darker side and_

_Listen to the music of the night and_

_Do Re Mi So them…_

_AND YOU'LL BE PRIMA DONNA!_


	44. You Won't Succeed in Opera

You Won't Succeed In Opera  ( to the tune of " You Won't Succeed On Broadway" from " Monty Python's Spamalot")

Sung by Erik:

_Andre, Firmin, I cannot say it enough, but you just won't succeed in opera…_

_You may have some pretty dances_

_Chorus girls put in pants-ses_

_And Willy Wonka wearing a fedora that is red_

_You may have the finest stagehands_

_Have the best orchestras and bands_

_But you won't succeed in opera if Joseph Buquet isn't dead!_

_You may have a famous diva_

_Host a concert for Aretha_

_And have the prettiest sets to see_

_You may have dramatic lines_

_Guys swinging from fake vines_

_But you won't succeed in opera if you don't cast Christine!_

_You may have some pretty music_

_A male dancer who's a eunuch_

_You may have a spectacular backdrop_

_You may have pretty arias_

_Drive expensive red Ferrari-as_

_But you won't succeed in opera if you don't get rid of the fop!_

_You may have costumes_

_Actresses wearing perfume_

_And a Spanish/Italian diva starting to sing_

_You may have a fat alto_

_Whose name is Ubaldo_

_But you won't succeed in opera if you do not cast Christine!_


	45. Mask see ch for full title

You're Never Fully-Dressed Without A Mask ( to the tune of " You're Never Fully-Dressed Without A Smile: from "Annie")

Sung by Erik:

_Listen, Opera Ghost sayin':_

_Hey, Opera Man_

_Hey Dancer Dan_

_Ya both got your task_

_But you're never fully dressed without a mask!_

_You're clothes may be_

_Sewn crummily_

_Or really well done_

_But you're never fully dressed without a mask!_

_Who cares what you're wearing_

_From Paris to Brie_

_It's what you use to hide_

_Your face from the world to see…that…matters…_

_And now, for the lovely Giry Woman!_

_Meg:_

_Do-diddle-do-do_

_Madame Giry: _

_Do-diddle-do-do_

_Both:_

_Do-do-do-do-do-do_

_So debutante_

_So rich vicompte_

_Complete your task_

_But first put on_

_A porcelain mask…_

_( Meg does ballet on Firmin's desk)_

_All three:_

_So debutante_

_So rich vicompte_

_Don't bother to ask _

_Just complete this simple task_

_You're never fully dressed without a _

_Mask…_

_Mask…_

_Mask…_

_And kick Joseph Buquet's ass!_


	46. Big Thing O' Lights

Big Thing o' Lights ( to the tune of "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King")

Sung by Madame Giry:

_From the day we arrived at the opera_

_Looking for wealth and fame_

_All the managers heard since they first came here_

_Was Miss Christine Daae's name_

_She outsang Carlotta_

_She won the Phantom's heart_

_She got engaged_

_Her fiancé was caged_

_And she fell through the trap-door_

_And that big thing o' lights_

_It fell on us all_

_All the dukes and queens_

_And the other rich dudes_

_And the phantom's face_

_Was very frightening_

_And he was obviously _

_In a very bad mood…_

_Christine chose to remain engaged_

_To Raoul de Chagny, the vicompte_

_And the phantom broke a bunch of mirrors_

_That will bring him very bad luck…_

_And that big thing o' lights_

_It has to be fixed_

_The light bulbs are broken_

_And Firmin is pissed_

_The phantom will pay_

_Once they track him down_

_I heard he has _

_A fear of clowns!_


	47. How do you solve a problem like Carlotta

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Carlotta? ( to the tune of "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" from "The Sound of Music")

Sung by the POTO cast:

_Erik: _

_She screeches D_

_And sings off-key_

_And acts like a royal bitch_

_Christine:_

_She calls her castmates toads_

_And then eats a sandwich_

_Andre: _

_I really love to say it_

_I really hate her guts_

_Firmin:_

_She always eats a bunch of nuts!_

_Meg: _

_I'd like to say a word on her behalf…_

_Madame Giry:_

_Then say it, Meg_

_Meg:_

_Carlotta makes me laugh!_

_All: _

_Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?_

_How do you tell her to lower her voice down?_

_How do you find a word that means "Carlotta"?_

_Raoul:_

_A prima Donna_

_LeFavre:_

_A splitting headache_

_Erik:_

_A bitch_

_All:_

_Many a thing you know you'd love to tell her_

_Many a thing we say behind her back_

_But how to remain silent_

_And not get all violent_

_Reyer:_

_How do you keep Joe from staring at her rack?_

_All:_

_Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?_

_How do you keep a backdrop in your hands…_

_Piangi:_

_She outbitch any witch_

_And vote off Amber Brkich from Survivor: All-Stars!_

_Madame Giry:_

_She outscream the girls from Scream_

_And flirt with Mister Clean_

_She is always drinking at sports bars_

_Raoul:_

_She's a ten on the Richter Scale_

_She shove her head in a pale_

_She is making me lose my mind_

_Erik:_

_She can out scream Christine_

_And out sting Listerine_

_She put a shining white mask out of shine_

_Meg:_

_She's a gossip_

_She's a witch_

_Christine:_

_A tattler and a snitch_

_Reyer:_

_She's a diva_

_Firmin:_

_She's a Migraine!_

_Erik:_

_She's a bitch_

_All: _

_Oh, how do solve a problem like Carlotta?_

_How do get her to lower her voice down?_

_How do you find a word that means "Carlotta"?_

_Raoul:_

_A prima donna_

_LeFavre:_

_A splitting headache_

_Erik:_

_A bitch_

_All:_

_Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her_

_Many a thing we say behind her back_

_But how to remain silent_

_And not get all violent_

_Reyer:_

_How do you keep Joe from staring at her rack?_

_All:_

_Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?_

_How do you hold a backdrop in your hands?_


	48. The Opera is for Song

The Opera is for Song ( to the tune of "The Internet is for Porn" from "Avenue Q")

Sung by Carlotta and Erik:

_Carlotta:_

_The Opera is really really fine…_

_Erik:_

_FOR SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_Christine was in a word sublime!_

_Erik:_

FOR SONG!

_Carlotta:_

_A place to find romance_

_Or be put in a hypnotic trance_

_A place for professional dance…_

_Erik:_

_AND SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_HEY! You-a deed'nt let-a me feeneesh my-a song!_

_Erik:_

_So?_

_The Opera is for Song!_

_The Opera is for Song!_

_I like to sing_

_Songs written by Sting_

_SONG!  
SONG!  
SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_Never-a mind!_

_I like to be in the spotlight…_

_Erik:_

_FOR SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_My skin is Michael Jackson white!_

_Erik:_

_FOR SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_My hair is fake-red_

_My husband is dead_

_At least I have…_

_Erik:_

_SONG!_

_Carlotta:_

_You know…the-a opera is-a not-a only for-a song…_

_Like Christine, you-a were-a doing it with the Phantom in-a de cellar!_

_Christine:_

_Yeah._

_Carlotta:_

_And-a Meg, you were wandering-a de dark-a hallways even-a though girls-a should-a not-a do zat…_

_Meg:_

_Yeah._

_Erik:_

_Yes, but what do you think they do after?_

_The opera is for song!_

_So come and sing along!_

_And watch John inside Gabrielle's thong!_

_SOOONNNGGG!  
SOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG!  
SOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGG!_


	49. No One Mourns The Diva

No One Mourns The Diva ( to the tune of "No One Mourns The Wicked" from "Wicked")

Sung by the POTO cast:

_All:_

_GOOD NEWS!_

SHE'S FLED!

_AND HER HUSBAND IS DEAD!_

_The nastiest bitch there ever was_

_Wearing that coat of pink fuzz_

_Has fled!_

_GOOD NEWS!_

_Meg:_

_Hey it's Madame Giry!_

_Madame Giry:_

_People of the opera_

_Let us be glad_

_Let the phantom be mad_

_Let us rejoice that we rid_

_Of the wicked screechings _

_Of you know who_

_Isn't it nice to know_

_That critics can conquer evil_

_And she has fled!_

_Raoul:_

_No one mourns the diva!_

_Erik:_

_No one cries she will not sing_

_Christine:_

_No one's mad when I go on stage to do my thing!_

_Meg:_

_And no one knows_

_Why she gets the lead_

_The casting guys_

_Must have been smoking weed_

_Erik:_

_Madame Giry, are people born divas, or do they have snobbiness thrust upon them?_

_Madame Giry:_

_Well she had a mother and a father, as so many people do…_

_Carlotta's Dad:_

_Oh I hate to leave you lonely…_

_Carlotta's Mom:_

_Carlotta's Dad:_

_I leave you hear to listen to the music of the night…_

_(Erik interrupts)_

_Erik:_

_Hey, wait! That song wasn't written yet!_

_Madame Giry:_

_And, like all families, they had their secrets…_

_Random Guy:_

_Come over hear, my little diva_

_Come with me to the gala tonight_

_So have another drink with the bits of light fixture_

_We'll have a ourselves a little mixer_

_So come and follow me down!_

_Midwife:_

_The baby's coming!_

_I see a head! _

_I see a curl! _

_A healthy little-_

_Carlotta's mom:_

_AAAAAAAHHHHHH! ( opera note)_

_Carlotta's dad:_

_What does this mean?_

_It's so obscene!_

_She can not, will not learn the proper way to-_

_SING!_

_Take it away!_

_Take it away!_

_Madame Giry:_

_So you see, it couldn't have been easy…_

_All:_

_No one mourns the diva!_

_No one cries she won't come back!_

_And goodness knows_

_Her voice is pure evil!_

_Erik:_

_I guess I had to get medieval!_

_All:_

_NO ONE MOURNS THE DIVA!_

DIVA!

DIVAAAAAAA!


	50. The Opera Phantom

The Opera Phantom  (to the tune of "Hakuna Matata" from "The Lion King")

Just to let you know, this fanfic has received 15,000 hits, 100 reviews, and now here is the landmark 50th song! The fact that all you enjoy this fic means so much to me and I immensely enjoy the feedback!

Sung by Andre and Firmin:

_Andre:_

_The opera phantom_

_He's a bit of a craze_

_Firmin:_

_The opera phantom_

_Put Christine in a daze…_

_Andre:_

_And Miss Guidicelli_

_Got all spazzy_

_Both:_

_It's a 20,000 franc fee_

_Philosophy_

_The opera phantom…_

_Firmin:_

_Why, when I was in the junk business…_

_Andre:_

_Scrap metal, actually…_

_WHEN HE WAS IN THE SCRAP METAL…BUSINESS!  
_

_Firmin:_

_Very nice!_

_Andre:_

_Thanks!_

_Firmin:_

_They found his business savvy to a certain appeal_

_Would clear the opera house after making the deal_

_Andre:_

_I'm an idiotic soul_

_The phantom's patience thinned…_

_And Carlotta, she never stood downwind…_

_AND, OH THE SHAME!_

_Firmin:_

_HE WAS ASHAMED!_

_Andre:_

_THOUGHT OF CHANGING MY NAME!_

_Firmin:_

_I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD CHANGE MY NAME!_

_Andre:_

_JOE BUQUET GOT PUNJABBED…_

_Firmin:_

_How did it feel?_

_Andre:_

_Very-_

_Firmin:_

_Andre, not in front of the chorus girls!_

_Andre:_

_Oops, sorry…_

_Both:_

_The Opera Phantom_

_He's a bit of a craze_

_The Opera Phantom_

_Put Christine in a daze…_

_Andre:_

_It means 20,000 franc fees_

_And groveling on our knees…_

_Both:_

_He made Christine_

_And Carlotta flee…_

_The Opera Phantom!_

_( Andre and Firmin do the walking across the log thing, only on one of the rafters backstage.)_

_Firmin:_

_It means annoying_

_The vicompte, Raoul de Chagny…_

_It's a catastrophe_

_That Piangi_

_The Opera Phantom!_


	51. It's The Opera Life

It's The Opera Life ( to the tune of "It's The Hard Knock Life" from "Annie")

I'd like to give a shout out to Glitter Queen of the Ice Show: Thanks for the song suggestion!

Sung by Meg, Christine, and the Chorus Girls:

_All:_

_It's the Opera Life_

_For us…_

_It's the Opera Life _

_For us!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of solos…_

_Others:_

_We get songs!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of panties…_

_Others:_

_We wear thongs!_

_It's the Opera Life!_

_Christine:_

_Don't it feel like the phantom's always watching?_

_Meg:_

_Don't it Carlotta hogging the spotlight?_

_Christine:_

_Don't it seem that we're always hearing…_

_Meg:_

_The Music of the Night!_

_Christine:_

_Don't it seem like our corsets are too tight?_

_Don't it seem like Joseph Buquet is a perv?_

_Meg:_

_Don't it seem like my tutu is white?_

_Man, I hate the theme song for Smurfs…_

_All:_

_Back up singer life…_

_Fear of Punjab life…_

_Dealing with Carlotta strife…_

_Avoidance of Box Number 5…_

_Meg:_

_The vicompte we always see…_

_Christine:_

_The vicompte is engaged, to me!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of patrons…_

_Chorus girls:_

_We get bums!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of singing_

_Chorus girls:_

_Madame Giry hums!_

_All:_

_It's the Opera Life!_

_Christine ( imitating Carlotta):_

_You're-a gonna wax this-a floor…_

_Till it-a shines like the scalp-a of Piangi!_

_Others:_

_Drive her from the Opera house!_

_Make her wear an ugly blouse!_

_Call her names like "whore" and "smelly"!_

_We love you, Miss Guidicelli!_

_All:_

_It's the Opera Life_

_For us!_

_It's the Opera Life_

_For us!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of solos…_

_Others:_

_We get songs!_

_Meg:_

_Instead of panties…_

_Others:_

_We wear thongs!_

_All:_

_It's the opera life…_

_It's the opera life…_

_IT'S THE OPERA LIFE!_


	52. Brady Bunch Opera ghost

Hey ya'll! This next one will not be to the tune of a Broadway song, but to the tune of a TV Show theme song. Hope you don't mind!

The Opera Ghost ( to the tune of "The Brady Bunch")

Sung by Madame Giry:

_Here's the story_

_Of a guy who was crazy_

_He's was lurking in the opera's catacombs_

_He was obsessing_

_Over Christine_

_And writing her romantic poems_

_Here's the story_

_Christine Daae_

_A soprano from the land of the Swedes_

_She was in love_

_with two men_

_it was help deciding that she needs_

_and when Christine Daae met this vicompte_

_her was engagement was something to boast_

_that's how these childhood sweethearts became a couple_

_that's the way the phantom went psycho!_

_The opera ghost_

_The opera ghost_

_That's the strange affair of the famous opera ghost!_

Mentally insert image of the square dealy in the theme song with:

Top left: Meg Giry

Top middle: Joseph Buquet

Top right: Erik

Middle left: Christine

Middle middle: Madame Giry

Middle right: Raoul

Bottom left: Carlotta

Bottom middle: Andre

Bottom right: Firmin


	53. Under the Stage

Under the Stage ( to the tune of "Under the Sea" from "The Little Mermaid")

Sung by Erik:

_The stagelights are always brighter_

_On someone else's stage_

_Stop dating that rich playboy_

_Or you will see my rage_

_Just look at the candles around you_

_Right here in my lakeside lair_

_Direct from your bedroom mirror_

_Here at the Opera Populaire!_

_Under the stage_

_Under the stage_

_Angel, it's easy_

_To please me _

_Just do what I say!_

_Up in the rafters Joe Buquet_

_Is looking down girl's shirts all day_

_Forget your worries_

_And make a journey under the stage!_

_That pretty-boy says that he's rich_

_But people always lie_

_I make 20,000 francs a month_

_More than enough to get by_

_Someday I will retire_

_From haunting the opera house_

_And you and I will live together_

_Maybe somewhere in Laos…_

_Under the stage_

_Under the stage_

_Angel, it's sweeter_

_Here in the theater_

_Take it from me_

_Performing my play, called Don Juan_

_Was lots and lots of fun_

_Forget Il Muto_

_The movie will shoot-o _

_Under the stage_

_The fop is a fruit_

_The ballet rat's wear tutus_

_Carlotta's voice sucks_

_Firmin and Andre_

_Are totally gay_

_Meg always wander's_

_And I ponder_

_Improvements for my play_

_Piangi is fat_

_Carlotta wears a weird hat _

_Madame Giry wears black_

_We already passed the point_

_Of no return _

_There's no going back!_

_Under the stage_

_Under the stage_

_Writing the story_

_Of my triumphant glory_

_Could fill a whole page_

_If songs can work on Christine_

_Will it work on in-laws that are mean_

_They always diss me_

_And Christine kissed me _

_Under the stage!_


	54. Guys to Punjab

Hello everyone! I'm SO sorry I haven't updated! Homework and other phics have kept me from updating! I've had this idea in my head for a few days now, and I just had to write it down! This next parody is based on a song from Corpse Bride! (Yes, I realize it is neither Broadway nor Disney. I hope no one minds!) Thank you all for your awesome reviews and your patience! Your feed back means so much to me!

( to the tune of "Tears to Shed" from "Corpse Bride")

Sung by: Erik, Madame Giry, and Nadir.

_Madame Giry:_

_Oh, that little vicompte cannot sing at all! You've got so much more! You've got…you've got…YOU'RE THE ANGEL OF MUSIC!_

_Nadir:_

_What does that wimpy little fop have that you don't have triple?_

_Madame Giry:_

_He can't hold a candle to the sexiness of your voice!_

_Erik:_

_How about his face?_

_Madame Giry:_

_Overrated!_

_Nadir:_

_Overblown!_

_Both: _

_If she only knew the you that we know…_

_(Erik sighs)_

_Madame Giry:_

_And that prissy little rich boy doesn't leave her flowers!_

_Nadir:_

_And he doesn't seduce her with…_

_Both:_

_Music during late hours!_

_Madame Giry:_

_No, he doesn't compare!_

_Erik:_

_But he's an heir…_

_Madame Giry:_

_Who cares?_

_Nadir:_

_Unimportant!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Overrated!_

_Nadir:_

_Overblown!_

_Both: _

_If only she could see how special you can be if she only knew the you that we know!_

_Erik:_

_If I touch a burning candle_

_I can feel much pain_

_If you cut me with a knife _

_It's still the same_

_And I know that he's a vicompte_

_And I know that I am not_

_But why does Christine still_

_Think that he is hot_

_He's an idiot and a cad_

_And it seems I have another guy to Punjab!_

_Nadir:_

_The sole redeeming feature of that foppish creature is that he's a vicompte!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Overrated!_

_Nadir:_

_Overblown!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Everyone knows that he's just a silly fop!_

_Although she didn't see that when they were on the rooftop!_

_Nadir:_

_I still think she cares!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Of course!_

_Ndair:_

_It's important!_

_Madame Giry:_

_It's been shown …_

_Both:_

_That if only she could see how special you can be if she only knew the you that we know!_

_Erik:_

_If I touch a burning candle_

_I can feel much pain_

_When Christine left me_

_It felt the same_

_My soul is aching_

_To see Raoul's neck breaking_

_To feel the pain that I feel_

_I hope I can make it real_

_He's a moron and a cad_

_And it seems I have more guys to Punjab!_


	55. Don't Sing, Please, Miss Guidicelli

Hello everyone! Sorry it took so long to update! Here is a holiday treat, courtesy of yours truly! Thank you so much for your patience and your awesome feedback! Have a very happy holidays and a happy New Year!

Don't Sing, Please, Miss Guidicelli ( to the tune of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" from "Evita".)

Sung by Erik:

_It won't be easy_

_So pardon my French_

_When I try to restrain my anger_

_About the singing of a certain opera wench_

_I'm sure you'll agree_

_That all you see_

_Is a girl who is vain_

_And her screeching tends to be a big pain_

_I tried to reason_

_I wrote some notes_

_But things didn't work out_

_So I took it out on a random guy during Il Muto_

_I still surprised that_

_She got the role_

_She never impressed me at all_

_I never expected her to_

_Don't sing, please, Miss Guidicelli!_

_The truth is that we all despise you_

_All through your screeching_

_And your demanding_

_It's impossible_

_To compromise with you_

_And as for Christine, your replacement_

_Her voice is good_

_But should she wish to excel, she has much still to learn_

_You were never the talent_

_Lefavre spoke of_

_At least when Christine sings,_

_Her voice is full of love_

_Don't sing, please, Miss Guidicelli!_

_Have I made you cry?_

_Well, that sure brightened my day!_

_All you have to do is disobey me once_

_And you know I will soon Punjab you!_

Happy Holidays, everyone!


	56. I Wanna Be Prima Donna!

Hello, everyone! Here is an update for you!

"I Wanna Be Prima Donna" (To the tune of "I Wanna Be A Producer" form "The Producers")

Sung by Christine:

_Chorus girls:_

_Ballet rat_

_ballet rat_

_a liiiiiiiiiittttttlllle ballet rat_

_ballet rat_

_ballet rat_

_ballet ballet ballet ballet ballet ballet rat..._

_Christine:_

_I spend my life singing_

_with phantoms and such_

_to what is my career amounting?_

_It figures not much_

_I have a secret desire_

_Hiding deep in my soul_

_this wish sets my heart on fire_

_to see me in the lead role..._

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_With a really big white dress_

_I wanna Be Prima Donna_

_and outdo that mess! (referring to Carlotta)_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_Sport some crystals in my hair!_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_With Erik's roses everywhere!_

_(Enter POTO cast, they start dancing)_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_And be the new ingenue_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_And sing for you (Erik), you (Meg), you (Madame Giry),...NOT YOU! (Raoul)_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_And ditch this dumb tutu!_

_I wanna Prima Donna!_

_And be Erik's little ingenue!_

_POTO cast:_

_She wants to be Prima Donna_

_at the Opera Populaire_

_She wants to be Prima Donna_

_wearing a wig resembling really tall hair!_

_She wants to Prima Donna!_

_With crystals from head to toe!_

_She wants to be Prima Donna!_

_And star in Il Muto!_

_AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_(Dance Break)_

_Christine:_

_I wanna be!_

_Others:_

_She wants to be!_

_Christine:_

_I wanna be!_

_Others:_

_She wants to be!_

_Christine:_

_I wanna be the greatest, grandest, and most angelic Prima Donna IN THE WORLD!_

_Others:_

_She's gonna go to the Phantom's lair!_

_Christine:_

_I just got to be Prima Donna!_

_Follow the Phantom in long underwear!_

_Others:_

_Follow the Phantom in long underwear!_

_Christine:_

_I wanna be Prima Donna!_

_Show Paris just what I got!_

_I'm gonna sing some aria's_

_that will enchant'm_

_and get seduced by the Phantom!_

_I'M GONNA BE PRIMA DONNA!..._

_Cause it's everything I'm not..._

_Chorus girls:_

_Ballet rat_

_Ballet rat_

_a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttlllllllle ballet rat_

_Christine:_

_I wanna be Prima-_

_Chorus girls:_

_Ballet rat!_

_Ballet rat!_

_Christine: _

_Wait a minute!_

_Surprisingly, Raoul was right!_

_I have been visited by the Angel of Music!_

_STOP THE OPERA! I WANNA BE THE STAR!_

_I'm gonna be Prima Donna!_

_Chorsu:_

_She's gonna be Prima Donna!_

_Christine:_

_Look out opera...cause here...I...COOOOMMMEEEE!_


	57. Do you hear Carlotta sing?

After many requests, I am finally doing a Les Miserables spoof! Enjoy!

"Do You Hear Carlotta Sing?" (to the tune of "Do Hear The People Sing?" form "Les Miserables")

Sung by Erik, Christine, a chorus of Ballet Rats, and the Girys:

_Erik:_

_Do you hear Carlotta sing?_

_Singing the aria from Hannibal_

_Its good music, but with her voice_

_its a bunch of bull...shit!_

_What's wrong with Christine's voice?_

_She sings like an angel!_

_Theres a new career about to start!_

_When her debut comes!_

_Christine:_

_I'll join your crusade_

_and stand and sing with you!_

_Beneath the opera house!_

_Erik:_

_(holding mask) IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE?_

_Then listen to the Music of the Night_

_cause you can never be free!_

_Chorus:_

_Do you hear Carlotta sing?_

_Singing the Aria from Hannibal_

_It's good music but with her voice_

_it's a bunch of bull...shit!_

_What's wrong with Christine's voice?_

_She sings like an angel!_

_There's a new career about to start!_

_When her debut comes!_

_Girys:_

_Will you sing all you can sing_

_so that your career may advance_

_some will dance and some will watch_

_while you sing during your big chance?_

_The people watching yourwill be the crème de la crème of France!_

_Chorus:_

_Do you hear Carlotta sing?_

_Singing the aria from Hannibal_

_Its good music, but with her voice_

_its a bunch of bull...shit!_

_What's wrong with Christine's voice?_

_She sings like an angel!_

_Theres a new career about to start!_

_When her debut comes!_


	58. Along Came Miss Daae

Along Came Miss Daae ( to the tune of "Along came Bialy" from "The Producers")

Sung by Carlotta, Andre, Firmin, Reyer, and Erik:

_Carlotta:_

_The time has come..._

_to be a singer from Italia_

_to sing a few arias_

_and have some fun with with Erik's Bar...bie...AAAASSSS!_

_It's time for me_

_to sing for Andre, Firmin, and Piangi_

_and have the spotlight on me_

_and not on that little brunette Swede!_

_AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_

_I was the star_

_I my career went far_

_then along came Miss Daae_

_The opera starless_

_Erik in darkness_

_then along came Miss Daae!_

_So soprano_

_I'm sure you know_

_they called me the Goddess of Song!_

_But then Christine gt the lead role_

_and everything for me went wrong!_

_(Andre, Firmin, and Reyer sstart tearing open notes.)_

_Andre, Firmin, and Reyer:_

_Who singed it?_

_WHO SIGNED IT?_

_Erik: _

_I DID!_

_Others:_

_AAAHHHH!_

_All:_

_What a migraine_

_and a big pain_

_thank god for Miss Daae!_

_She left rehearsal_

_it could be worse...ll_

_then along came Miss Daae!_

_So soprano_

_with the piano_

_oh, wait, it's a pipe organ!_

_She's the Angel of Music_

_and not a eunuch_

_and neither is Erik_

_She's the Celebration of Song!_

_Carlotta:_

_AHHH! Why-a you call-a her the-a Celebration of-a song?_


	59. Have you ever heard Miss Daae Sing?

Have you ever heard Miss Daae Sing? ( to the tune of "Habe Sie Gehurt das Deutsche Bande?" from "The Producers.")

Sung by Raoul:

_Have you ever heard Miss Daae sing?_

_In Hannibal, Il Muto, or Don Juan Triumphant?_

_Have you ever heard Miss Daae Sing?_

_In the lair, on the stage, on the rooftop?_

_Ballet girls with their long curly hair_

_Can't go wrong at the Opera Populaire!_

_Have you ever heard Miss Daae sing?_

_Angel of Music, or Think of Me!_

_The phantom has his punjab lasso!_

_It's not an opera if you ain't got that _

_Pretty_

_Witty_

_Dancing _

_enchanting..._

_I could go on and on! KEY CHANGE!_

_Have you ever heard Miss Daae sing?_

_Past the Point of No Return?_

_It's the only kind of music that the phantom and his angel like to sing!_


	60. Miss Daae

Hello, fellow fan fiction addicts! Here is a much procrastinated update!

Miss Daae ( to the tune of "Keep It Gay" from "The Producers")

Sung by Erik and Raoul:

_Andre and Firmin:_

_Did you get a chance yet to hear Carlotta sing?_

_Erik: _

_Hear her? I wen tdeaf because of her!_

_Raoul: _

_And I find her annoying! ANNOYING!_

_Erik:_

_Then you'll fire her..._

_Andre and Firmin:_

_OF COURSE NOT! She's what the public loves!_

_Raoul:_

_Carlotta? Excuse me? Ooh...to squeaky, too high pitched..._

_The opera's so obsessed _

_with Erik so depressed..._

_Erik:_

_HEY!_

_Raoul:_

_It's amazing you still have a full house_

_Erik:_

_The lead soprano should be more pretty_

_with a voice that is not shitty_

_Raoul:_

_She should be more...What's her name?_

_Erik:_

_Christine_

_Raoul:_

_That's right!_

_Erik:_

_No matter what opera you do,_

_cast Miss Daae. Miss Daae, Miss Daae_

_Whether it's Don Juan, Il Muto , or Faust_

_Let her sing, do her thing_

_Miss Daae_

_Raoul:_

_People want Christine when they see a show_

_the last thing they want is Carlotta as the countess in Il Muto_

_Both:_

_A Swedish brunette will make your day!_

_Erik:_

_Hannibal won't bomb_

_Raoul:_

_and neither will Don Juan!_

_Both:_

_Miss Daae!_

_Miss Daae!_

_Miss Daae!_

_Raoul:_

_I couldn't agree more with you on your opinions of Christine. And you have my blessing to stalk her as much as you want...so...will you do it?_

_Erik:_

_Of course I will, even though you're not really my cup of tea. Still, fair is fair, perhaps I should ask some of the phantom cast members what they think..._

_Raoul:_

_Phantom cast members? Who are they?_

_Erik:_

_You'll see, they all sing here. GUYS! GET THE HELL OVER HERE BEFORE I PUNJAB YOU!_

_This is a ballet dancer...MEG!_

_Meg:_

_What a play!_

_A grade "A"_

_Miss Daae!_

_Erik:_

_This is my Persian friend, NADIR!_

_Nadir:_

_Hello! Cast Christine_

_She's the song Queen!_

_Miss Daae!_

_Meg and Nadir:_

_We're really quite sure she is the right choice?_

_How could you not cast her with that gorgeous voice?_

_Erik:_

_MADAME GIRY! The ballet mistress!_

_Madame Giry:_

_HI THERE!_

_(dances)_

_Erik:_

_And finally, last, and least, a guy I murdered, JOSEPH BUQUET!_

_Joe:_

_MISS DAAE!_

_MISS DAAE!_

_MISS DAAE!_

_Erik:_

_Now you all just heard Carlotta sing. What did you guys think of her?_

_Madame Giry:_

_She needs lessons_

_Meg:_

_and song_

_Nadir:_

_This song is_

_Joseph Buquet:_

_TOO LONG!_

_Raoul:_

_Ladies and Gentlemen, I think this would be a marvelous opportunity for the opera populaire._

_So come on...cast her, please?_

_Andre:_

_I'm sorry, monseurs. She's just a chorus girl!_

_Erik:_

_Think of the respect!_

_Firmin:_

_No._

_Raoul:_

_Think of the prestige!_

_Andre and Firmin:_

_NO!_

_Erik and Raoul:_

_Think of...THE MONEY!_

_Andre and Firmin:_

_MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY!_

_Raoul:_

_AT LAST! A soprano people will actually want to listen to!_

_Erik:_

_Raoul de Chagny presents Christine Daae!_

_Of course signora whats-her-name will hafta be cast as the page boy!_

_Her as the countess excuse me?_

_That would be absolutely ghastly!_

_Raoul:_

_Monseur O.G. Presents Chrsitine Daae!_

_Erik:_

_Wait a minute...ooohhh...it's a wild idea but it just might work!_

_I...see...a..._

_line of ballet dancers,_

_DRESSED AS FLOWERS!_

_And dancing with a sheep!_

_With white tutus and_

_moss green corsets_

_its risque _

_dare I say!_

_Raoul:_

_HES GONE MAD!_

_Erik:_

_She's the greatest singer in all of France!_

_And she'll be backed by men in girly-colored pants!_

_AND WAIT THERES MORE!_

_PIANGI IS NO MORE!_

_I just knew she had to be the ingenue!_

_LALALALALALALALALALA!_

_SHE IS GREAT!_

_MISS DAAE!_

_MISS..._

_Raoul:_

_YOU ARE CORRECT! CORRECT!_

_I think I speak for everyone at the opera populaire,_

_when I say that you are absolutely right in your opinions of Miss Daae!_

_So will you write any more notes?_

_Erik:_

_WAIT! This is a very big decision! It may affect the very plot of this entire musical! I shall hafta think about it!...NO! ILL STILL WRITE NOTES!_

_Opera Populaire cast and crew:_

_If you do not wish to be punjabbed..._

_Cast_

_Miss Daae!_

_Miss Daae!_

_Miss Daae!_

_Whether is Don Juan, Carmen or Faust,_

_For your play,_

_don't delay,_

_Miss Daae!_

_Raoul:_

_Christine's voice is a constant delight!_

_Carlotta's annoys us, and starts up fights!_

_All:_

_So if you want to live to see another day..._

_(Reading note)_

_Raoul:_

_Signed..._

_Andre:_

_Singed..._

_Firmin:_

_Siigned..._

_Girys, Nadir, and Buquet:_

_Singed..._

_Erik:_

_SIGNED!_

_Your obedient servant O.G.!_

_All:_

_MISS DAAE!_

_Raoul:_

_MASQUERADE!_

_All:_

_Lalalalalalalalalalala_

_lalalalalalalalalalala_

_so if you want to keep_

_Monseur O.G. At bay_

_MISS DAAE! _

_MISS DAAE!_

_MISS DAAE!_


	61. Tonight 4 U

Hello everyone! I apologize for the lack of updates. I have been really busy with school, but it's almost summer break for me, so expect a flood of updates!

Okay, after several requests, and multiple viewings of the film, I will finally do something from RENT.

Tonight 4 U  (to the tune of "Today 4 U" from "RENT".)

_(Raoul and Meg are talking about how talented Christine is. After a few mentions of the Angel of Music, she decides to introduce Erik.)_

_Christine:_

_My friends, our stalker on this Christmas Eve,_

_whose sexiness is only matched by talent I believe_

_The one who up his sleeve always has a trick_

_Angel of Music...ERIK!_

_Erik:_

_Tonight for you...Tomorrow for me!_

_Tonight for you...Tomorrow for me!_

_Christine:_

_And you should hear him sing!_

_Meg: _

_Come on! Do your thing!_

_Erik:_

_It was a lucky day for me_

_here in Paree_

_when I first heard the singing voice of Christine_

_I said "Darling, you're a dear, and the lead soprano this year!"_

_I need your help to make that diva's screeching disappear!_

_This diva Carlotta just won't shut up!_

_I believe if you sing, that bitch will sing her very last high-strung note!_

_I am dying to punjab lasso her to death!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_We agreed on a fee, just pledge your love to me!_

_Risk-free! Plus a starring role in Annie!_

_Now who could fortell that you could sing so well!_

_Just get there on that stage and get rid of my hell!_

_After an hour-Carlotta-in all her glory_

_Will sing in her very last story_

_Soon she will be getting the blues_

_When she realizes that she's yesterday's news!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me! _

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_Christine:_

_Back in the lair,where you were stroking my hair_

_I loved you like I never thought I would dare_

_I fell in love with you, and got past your issues_

_Although that punjab you seem to misuse_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_

_Tonight for you! Tomorrow for me!_


	62. Kidnap the Ingenue

Hello everyone! I have finally found inspiration for another song spoof! This time from Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas!

Kidnap The Ingénue (to the tune of "Kidnap The Sandy Claws" from "Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas")

Sung by Erik, Meg, and Madame Giry ( and featuring a brief appearance by Carlotta):

_All: _

_Kidnap Miss Christine Daae?_

_Erik:_

_I wanna do it!_

_Madame Giry:_

_Oh, do have fun!_

_Meg: _

_I say that you use a lasso!_

_Madame Giry:_

_And kick Raoul's ass-o!_

_Erik:_

_I'll do it with class-o!_

_All:_

_WHEEEE!_

_La la la la la la_

_La la la la_

_La la la la la la_

_La la la la la_

_Kidnap the ingénue_

_Bring her to the lair_

_Swish around your sexy cape_

_And smooth your sexy hair!_

_Erik: _

_First I'm going to stay up late outside Christine's mirror and wait_

_When she comes a singing, tears, she will shed, for my dark fate!_

_Meg:_

_Wait! What about La Carlotta?_

_Compared to Piangi, you're much hotta!_

_Still, she always wants to steal Christine's scenes_

_And force her to where a tutu of white and green!_

_All:_

_Kidnap the ingénue!_

_Really late at night!_

_Then begin to sing to her_

_The Music of the Night!_

_Madame Giry:_

_And wait a minute!_

_You need a plan!_

_To get rid of that_

_Vicompte man!_

_Erik:_

_I'll send him some threatening notes_

_And when he reads them_

_I'll lasso his throat!_

_All:_

_Kidnap the ingénue!_

_In her dress of white!_

_Better get that little fop_

_To stay out of Box 5!_

_Erik:_

_I'm pretty sure she'll be impressed_

_With the sexy way I'm dressed!_

_Perhaps I'll even swish my cape!_

_And watch her mouth gape!_

_Meg and Madame Giry:_

_We are professional dancers_

_And we take our job with pride_

_We seem to be the only ones _

_On Erik's good side!_

_Meg:_

_I wish Andre and Firmin weren't so dumb._

_Carlotta:_

_Oh, be-a quiet! _

_You'r-ae no-a fun!_

_Erik:_

_SHUT UP!_

_Carlotta:_

_MAKE-A ME!_

_Erik:_

_I've got something! Listen now!_

_This one is real good, you'll see!_

_I'll go to Andre and Firmin's desks_

_Upon there'll be some notes to read_

_Now in Box 5 I'll wait and hide_

_In case my orders are tossed aside_

_And should cast Carlotta in stead of her (pointing to Christine)_

_A disaster beyond your imagination will occur!_

_All:_

_Kidnap the ingénue_

_Right after Don Juan_

_And maybe watch some figure skating_

_With Michelle Kwan_

_Kidnap the ingénue_

_Erik:_

_She'll belong to me!_

_All:_

_I wonder what will happen_

_We'll just hafta wait and see!_


	63. Song

Here is another Rent parody! Enjoy! This one was a really tough one, so it will be a little random. Just a little warning.

Song (to the tune of "Rent" from "Rent".)

Sung by Erik, Raoul, Madame Giry, and a brief appearance by Christine:

_Raoul:_

_How do get an ingénue to sing_

_When the show's not her thing_

_And keeps saying "he won't let me go"_

_Chandeliers, broken mirrors, it hurts my ears_

_Hearing Carlotta's sad attempts at…_

_Song!_

_Erik:_

_How do you seduce a girl_

_When the guy rocking her world_

_Is a snoppy rich fop?_

_And now we're rehearsing,_

_I want to here her sing_

_All right people,_

_From the top!_

_Raoul:_

_It'll be a huge hit!_

_Erik:_

_Although I must admit_

_Both:_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_Her to sing!_

_Raoul:_

_I'll be persuasive!_

_Erik:_

_How do you sing a song_

_Without the plan going wrong_

_And gendarmes are on standby?_

_Raoul:_

_How can you dance real neat_

_When you have two left feet_

_And a cramp in your thigh?_

_Erik:_

_You take some Advil!_

_Raoul:_

_Thanks! But you're still evil!_

_Both:_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_Her to sing!_

_Madame Giry:_

_How do you lead the fop down in the lair_

_Get him down ther_

_Oh, hell! I don't care!_

_He won't also!_

_In fact, he'll be happy_

_It'll be sappy_

_When he wields his lasso!_

_Erik:_

_Where are you?_

_Madame Giry:_

_Backstage._

_Erik and Madame Giry:_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_How we gonna get…_

_Her to sing!_

_Madame Giry:_

_The music ignites the night with passion and fire!_

_Erik:_

_And soon I'll be rid of Raoul, that piece of shit!_

_Erik and Madame Giry:_

_How do you get behind the set_

_When the lead clarinet_

_Is swinging it at you?_

_Erik:_

_If anyone ruins my show_

_I absolutely know_

_Just what to do!_

_Raoul:_

_How do you sit in Box 5_

_Watching the opera, live_

_Without fear of being punjabbed?_

_All:_

_Christine will hopefully sing_

_Erik:_

_Little does she know_

_That she'll be nabbed_

_Christine:_

_All right, I'll sing!_

_Stop nagging me!_

_Raoul:_

_Gendarmes are armed_

_Christine, I promise you won't be harmed!_

_All:_

_We're all gonna sing…_

_We're all gonna sing…_

_We're all gonna sing…_

_Erik's song!_

_Erik's song!_

_About a guy named Don Juan!_

_Christine:_

_Now I'm off to sing my song!_


	64. It's DeChagny

Here's another song for you! Enjoy!

It's De-Chagny (to the tune of "It's De-Lovely" from the movie "De-Lovely)

Sung by Erik:

_I feel the urge to sing a song_

_A little ditty about a fop_

_So, I'll control my desire to curse_

_While I sing this verse_

_This verse I've started seems to me_

_The "fop-ization" of melody_

_So I'll spare you all the pain_

_And skip the darn thing and sing the refrain_

_The night is young_

_The sky is blue_

_And now I'll sing this song to you_

_It's de-lightful_

_It's de-eirious_

_It's De-Chagny_

_I understand the reason why_

_You can't stand him, neither can I_

_It's de-plorable_

_It's de-sgusting_

_It's De-Chagny_

_You can tell at a glance_

_That he's wearing tight pants_

_You can see dear Christine_

_Looking longingly at me…_

_So please my dear, my mademoiselle_

_I want to kiss you, as you can tell_

_It's de-lightful_

_It's de-licious_

_It's de-lectable_

_It's de-lerious_

_It's dilemma_

_It's de limit_

_It's deluxe_

_Unlike De-Chagny!_


	65. Opera, Opera

After an extremely long hiatus, I AM BACK! And here is a little treat for you!

(Warning: I'm a little rusty, but I'm gonna give this a shot anyway!)

Opera, Opera (to the tune of "Murder, Murder" from "Jekyll and Hyde")

Sung by the Opera Populaire employees:

_Usher # 1:_

_Come see the Phantom's Opera_

_His satanic, dark opera_

_Usher #2:_

_That poor Christine!_

_That poor thing!!_

_Madame Giry: _

_The violinist's daughter_

_Carlotta's career is slaughtered_

_Reyer:_

_Now it's time for Christine to start to sing._

_Ballet Girls:_

_At seven, she lost her dad_

_Oh my! Oh how sad!_

_She's doing this without complaint!_

_She looks like she's about to faint!_

_Stage Hands:_

_I hope that this goes well._

_From the looks of things, it's hard to tell!_

_Why should this be…_

_The burden of Christine?_

_All:_

_Opera! Opera!_

_The music of the night_

_Opera! Opera!_

_She will be taken to his lair!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_The soprano will take her flight!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Tonight…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_About Don Juan!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_This song is gonna be long!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Something feels quite wrong…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Playing tonight…_

_Backups Dancers:_

_Dona Eis,, Requiem…_

_Andre:_

_Sweet Death has taken Joseph Buquet from us…_

_Backup Dancers:_

_Requiem Aeternam…_

_Firmin:_

_Ladies and Gents, please _

_Remain calm for us!_

_Backup Dancers:_

_Dona Eis, Domine…_

_Erik: _

_Joseph Buquet…I'm happy to inform you that you are relieved of your duties…All of them!_

_Piangi:_

_Oh no! Notes threatening murder!_

_Carlotta's nervous! Oh you should have heard her!_

_Ballet Girls:_

_That pervert Joseph Buquet is dead!_

_Meg:_

_Last week he killed a guy!_

_He's just sent note number five!_

_Maybe he's just messing with our heads…_

_Andre:_

_That's five notes in the last three days!_

_Firmin:_

_This ghost has fancy ways!_

_Both:_

_To kill inside Paree…_

_Who'll be next?_

_Piangi:_

_Maybe me? (he gets scared and runs)_

_Violin Player:_

_He demands box number five!_

_If we want to stay alive!_

_I beg for mercy!_

_Please don't kill me!_

_All:_

_Opera! Opera!_

_The music of the night_

_Opera! Opera!_

_She will be taken to his lair!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_The soprano will take her flight!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Tonight…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_About Don Juan!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_This song is gonna be long!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Something feels quite wrong…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Playing tonight…_

_Erik:_

_Christine my love…you really should be more careful before you agree to star in satanic operas…you never know who you may encounter!_

_Seamstresses:_

_The opera has a phantom on the loose!_

_Dancer:_

_Or maybe he's just pretend…_

_Carpenters:_

_Got to get his grip on his lasso loose!_

_Raoul:_

_His reign will end!_

_All:_

_Maybe Christine will fail him_

_Then we can finally nail him_

_Wow, look how pale Christine is _

_Now!_

_Opera!_

_No matter what he threatens_

_We'll make sure his overly long reign ends!_

_The music of the night will end…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_It's starting now!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_This music is good, wow!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_We'll just see what happens now…_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Tonight…_

_Erik:_

_Bad news from O.G. Piangi!_

_Andre:_

_Remember the first two operas?_

_Firmin:_

_This is better than the first two operas!_

_Madame Giry:_

_His tricks are working more and more!_

_Carlotta:_

_I really am distressing!_

_I guess I should be confessing_

_Alright! I admit it! _

_She's better than me!_

_Raoul:_

_This is the Phantom's final days_

_Audience:_

_Christine is Paris's latest craze!_

_Stagehands:_

_Until the Phantom's found!_

_There's danger all around!_

_Ballet Girls:_

_This time he's up above!_

_Christine:_

_His lyrics are full of love!_

_Ballet girls (looking at Christine):_

_What's wrong with you?_

_He's brainwashed you!_

_All:_

_Opera! Opera!_

_He's walking on the stage!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_Carlotta's eyes are filled with rage!_

_Opera! Opera!_

_We will now be engaged_

_In the music of the night…_

I personally think this isn't my best, but hey, I tried!


	66. The Worst Voice in Opera

Hello, my dear readers! I have for you a long overdue update!

The Worst Voice In Opera (To the tune of "The Worst Pies In London" from "Sweeney Todd")

Sung by Carlotta and Erik:

_Carlotta:_

_An audience member!_

_Wait! What's your rush?_

_What's your hurry?_

_You gave me such a…_

_Fright! I thought you were the Opera Ghost!_

_Half a minute!_

_Can'tcha sit?_

_Sit-ah down!_

_Sit!_

_All I meant was that I haven't sung a song in weeks!_

_Did you come to hear me sing, sir?_

_Do forgive me if my voice is kind of high._

_Erik:_

_They say it's good, but they lie!_

_To your career, you should say goodbye!_

_Carlotta:_

_Hey! You gotta give me credit cause I try, sir!_

_Erik:_

_Heaven knows everyone's annoyed by you, the whole load!_

_Madame, it is you who are the toad!_

_Mind you I can hardly blame them!_

_Your's is probably the worst voice in opera!_

_Carlotta:_

_But you know, I love to sing them!_

_Erik:_

_I should know!_

_I write them!_

_Carlotta:_

_But good, NO!_

_Erik (gasps as if he's offended):_

_The worst voice in opera!_

_Even that's polite!_

_The worst voice in opera!_

_If you care to hear…_

_Audience:_

_Ugh!_

_Erik:_

_Is that just disgusting?_

_All screechy and whiny!_

_It's nothing but screaming!_

_(hands earplugs to the audience) Here, take these! You'll need it!_

_Carlotta:_

_I have-ah the best voice in opera!_

_And no wonder what it is, _

_With the cost of finding singers_

_If you get them_

_Never thought I'd live-ah to see-ah the day_

_People'd think my voice was a treat_

_Singing songs_

_Me_

_To a full opera house_

_Miss Daae has a soprano voice_

_Sings her part, but I notice something weird_

_She always seems to have disappeared_

_Have to hand it to her_

_What a voice!_

_What I call_

_Talent!_

_Just the thought of her being better than me makes me sick!_

_Erik:_

_Her voice has developed rather quick!_

_No denying she's a star!_

_Her career will go far!_

_So much farther than the worst voice in opera!_

_Only screeches and nothing more!_

_Is that just revolting?_

_All moany and groany!_

_Carlotta:_

_I'm thinking of leaving!_

_Pardon a diva alone_

_With high maintenance ways_

_Erik:_

_And the worst voice in opera!_

_Listening to it _

_Is awful hard!_

_Isn't that a lasso up there?_

_Over the stage?_

_Carlotta:_

_If you hate me so much, why don't you use it on me?_

_Erik:_

_Why no! I'll draw attention to myself!_

_Carlotta:_

_So it IS you, O.G.!_


	67. I Sang A Song

I Sang A Song (to the tune of "I Dreamed A Dream" from " Les Miserables")

Sung by Christine:

_There was a time when Carlotta was kind_

_When her voice was soft_

_And her insults not so biting_

_There was a time when I was in a land, far behind_

_And my father played me a song_

_And the song was inviting_

_There was a time_

_Then it all went wrong_

_I sang a song in time gone by_

_The notes were high_

_But I kept trying_

_I sang the song both day and night_

_My love for music, forever undying_

_I was young, and oh so afraid_

_Oh opera ghosts whom everyone detested_

_And then I met the opera ghost, himself_

_And it was my talents that he tested_

_But he only comes at night_

_With his voice soft as thunder_

_He wrote for me a special part_

_And he orchestrated my rise to fame_

_He never sleeps, but he's always at my side_

_He fills my dreams with endless wonder_

_He made me a good singer in his stride_

_But he was gone when gendarmes came_

_And still I think that he's still there_

_In his home, below the floorboards_

_Still drowning in his despair_

_And, I imagine, utterly bored!_

_I had a dream my career would be_

_So different from the dream I'm living_

_Much less stranger than it seems_

_But my life is now the song I sing…_


End file.
